Forgotten
by Lovely Lady Diggory
Summary: He...doesn't remember me?" I felt an invisible hand reach out and tear my heart from my chest as I realized what I had to do. I was going to do this by myself...raise a baby by myself. ALL HUMAN. Bella/Edward. Rated T for cussing and sexual references.
1. FUCK!

**PLEASE READ!!!! Okay, I know I have a bad reputation for updating, but see, I've done something different with this story, I have at least the next five to six chapters written, so I can update regularly. So if you're thinking, "This is a waste of my time, she's gonna update once a month or something" that's not true, it will be once a week at least, possibly twice a week.**

**AND A BIG SHOUT OUT TO MY BETA/AWESOME-NESS WHO HAS EDITED THE WHOLE OF THIS STORY!!! Keira(tommyxloser) is the most fantastical beta there has ever been and I owe her this story and my sanity.  
**

**Background: Just to clear up any questions, Renee died when Bella was fourteen. Bella moved to Forks to live with Charlie in her sophomore year, that's when she met Edward. They've been dating for around three years, a little less.**

Edward POV (6:05 pm, Friday May 27, 2005):

"Dude, we're gonna go play baseball later? You in?" Emmett wore that big childish grin he always wore when he was offered the opportunity to show off his "mad skills" to anyone and everyone who would watch.

"Can't. I'm taking Bella out later," I smiled at the thought. Just me and her, all night. I reveled in the thought of all that time spent in her company. Well, she would have to go home at some point, but she'd beg me to crawl in her window later and I was never able to refuse her anything…

"C'MON! You're always taking Bella out! Come play with us!" he was whining.

"I'm sorry, Emmett," I wasn't sorry at all, actually. "Maybe next time," maybe being the operative word.

"You said that last time!" I just shrugged.

"This is getting ridiculous. I'm seriously considering taking away your man card, Edward." He glared at me, trying to look threatening, and he was, just not enough that I'd pick him over my Bella.

"Fine, take it away. You're just jealous that I'm getting some and Rose is still refusing to have sex with you after that stunt you pulled at Crowley's party," his eyes widened.

"You're fucking Bella?!"

"Watch you're language. And no, I'm not _fucking_ Bella."

"Edward! Don't go lecturing me on the real meaning of the word, okay. I could care less what it means!"

"Well, I care what it means. Fuck comes from the term forced unknown carnal knowledge. F. U.C. K., in other words, rape. So, no, I am not fucking her because everything is one hundred percent consensual."

"Dude, you are so lame," he shook his head at me.

"I'm not lame, I'm a gentleman."

"You act like you're from the friggin' Stone Age! You went out with the girl for almost two years before you finally slept with her! And that's because she got you drunk and practically tied you down to the fucking bed!"

"Emmett, don't be ridiculous. She did not tie me down to the bed!"

"Good as."

"So I wanted to wait until we were married! Is that such a crime?!"

"The both of you were frustrated as hell! Rose was even telling Bella she should get a vibrator!"

"WHAT!"

"Yeah! But she refused because, 'The only person, or thing, I ever want to pleasure me is Edward,'" he said it in a high, nasally voice that sounded nothing like Bella. "I mean, Jesus, the girl would rather live her whole life a virgin than ever be sexually pleasured by someone or something else than you!"

"She wouldn't have lived her whole life a virgin, Emmett! I wanted to wait until we were married, not until we were dying!"

"Same difference," I huffed, frustrated with his immaturity and disrespect for the act of sex.

"It is not the same! I wanted to treat her like a lady! I wanted her to know I meant forever when I finally made love to her!"

"Who says that?"

"I say that! Bella says that!"

"Yeah, you know who else says that, Eddie? Our parents say that! Our _grandmother_ says that!"

"Well, if sex meant the same thing it meant one hundred years ago it would be a hell of a lot more meaningful!"

"Well, it's too bad you can't build a time machine isn't it?"

"Ugh! I'm leaving. I need to go take a shower," and with that I stomped up the stairs to my bathroom.

Bella POV (6:17 pm, Friday May 27, 2005):

I didn't know how I was going to do this, how I was going to tell him. I had seriously considered _not_ telling him. But even as I considered it I knew I couldn't get away with that…and I had to think about the job I was now entrusted with. I was not the most important thing anymore, well; I wasn't before either, not really. Edward had always been the most important thing in the world to me. Where did he rank now? Were they tied? I loved them both, so, so much, did they hold equal amounts of space in my heart? My love for him was no less than what it was before; in fact, it grew with each passing day. More so, it felt like my _heart _grew, so that it could encompass all the love I felt for them, all the emotion. It was true what they said, the more that you loved, the more that you _could_ love.

He was taking me out to another fancy, expensive restaurant that only he seemed to be able to get reservations to a week before, and I was going to complain to him about the money he spent on the miniscule amounts of food they served. Especially tonight, I was quite hungry.

Would I tell him there? Or wait until we were completely alone? Would we be in his car? In our meadow? Walking around Port Angeles?

And…what would he say?

_Don_'_t be stupid_, _Bella_. _You know exactly what he_'_s gonna say_. He'd drop everything, get down on his knee and propose, save my honor and all that. He'd give up his scholarship to Julliard; get a job at some minimum wage place. Come home smelling like French fries and cheeseburgers, the thought would have made me laugh, if it weren't so true. He'd use the money he'd saved over the years to get us a house, and pay the bills. There would be _a lot_ of bills. If there was one thing I'd heard about…having a baby, it was that it was expensive. A _baby_. My hands unconsciously went down to my flat stomach.

And he'd be doting. The doting father. He'd shower our child in gifts that we couldn't afford; presents that would make us go bankrupt. Teach our son to play catch, or braid our daughter's hair; she'd probably manage to rope him in to playing dolls or something like that.

And the picture would be beautiful; if it weren't taking away everything he'd ever worked for. He had not saved that money so that we could have a baby right out of high school, so that he could buy an old, run down house because we didn't have any other options, so that he could pay for childcare.

I felt something wet on my cheek, and was surprised to see I was crying. The realization made me lose all control, and the sobs racked my body with a force I could only compare to a hurricane. It was a good thing I hadn't wasted time putting make-up on, because it would be ruined.

When I was done I looked at my face in the bathroom mirror. My eyes were red and blotchy and my face was streaked with salty tears. I was a mess. Edward would know something was wrong the second he saw me; I didn't need to look like someone just died.

Water splashed in the sink as I washed my face, the cool soothing me just a little bit. It reminded me of Edward, he always seemed a degree cooler than me. But it was refreshing, he never made me cold.

I slipped on the blue dress that Alice had bought me last weekend. It was Edward's favorite color on me; he said it made my skin look like fresh cream. I debated wearing heels, but decided tripping as I said I was pregnant would probably only make the moment more embarrassing and awkward instead of relieve any tension.

The time ticked by, and to say I was shaking with anxiety would be an understatement. But seven rolled around, and rolled away. Odd, he was never late. Seven thirty arrived, and then eight. Charlie had gotten home around the time Edward was supposed to get here, and now he was watching some game on TV. I looked out the window for the umpteenth time, and he still wasn't there. When I called him it went straight to voice-mail.

At eight thirty I was worried, very worried. He hadn't called me to cancel; he hadn't called to say he would be late. Surely the floor should have a hole in it due to the amount of pacing I was doing. The house phone hadn't rung either.

"Uhh!" I was so worried about him! _No_, _Bella_! _He_'_s fine_! _He lost track of time_, _that_'_s all_!

ALICE! I'd call Alice. It rang…and rang. _GOD_ _DAMMIT_! _PICK UP_!

"Hello?" her high soprano was music to my ears.

"Alice! Have you seen Edward?!" I thought I heard tears in my voice. There was a pause where she didn't answer. " Alice?!"

"Isn't he with you?" her voice was cautious, like she was afraid of the answer.

"No! He was supposed to be here at seven! And-," my voice cracked.

"He left around six forty-five. He was rushing because he thought he was gonna be late."

"He's not here, Alice!"

"Let me call him."

"I tried that! It went straight to voice-mail!" I was panicking.

"Maybe his phone's on now?" it was like a question, she was scared, too.

"His phone's never off, Alice! When is it ever off?!"

"Oh God, maybe he's with Emmett. Him and Jasper went to play baseball," Jasper Whitlock, Alice's boyfriend. Emmett was their brother.

"Maybe."

"I'll call you right back, okay? Don't worry, everything's gonna be fine, Bella." But she was wrong; everything was _not_ going to be fine.

Bella POV (3:52 pm, Thursday June 2, 2005):

I sat by his side for a week; the only sign that the man I loved more than my own life was alive was the steady rise and fall of his chest and the beeping of the heart monitor.

I hadn't left the room, there was a bathroom conveniently located inside and after I'd made it clear to everyone I would not be going anywhere they agreed to bring me my food, though I barely ate any of it. Which I new was bad, I wasn't just eating for myself anymore, and Edward would not be happy with me if I was depriving our child of food.

I had not told anyone, they didn't need two tragedies on their hands. I definitely didn't know how to tell Edward now. What kind of hello would that be? _Oh thank goodness_, _you_'_re alive_! _Oh_, _by the way_, _I_'_m pregnant_. _So we_'_re pretty screwed_,_ oh wait_,_ you_'_re already screwed_,_ can you even walk_?!

He had been pretty battered up when they found him, barely alive. The road was wet and he turned to quickly…drove straight into a tree going one hundred and ten miles an hour. He broke his back, both his legs, his arms, cracked open his skull…

Even if he woke up from this…coma, it was unlikely he'd ever walk again. The neurosurgeon they'd flown in by helicopter was brilliant, world famous, and luckily for us he was located in Seattle. But not even he was sure if Edward would walk again. He managed to stop the brain hemorrhaging; Edward should be okay in that department, minor memory loss, some loss of coordination, but not too bad…if he woke up.

I don't think I'd stopped crying since I'd heard the news. Constantly tears rolled down my cheeks, whether silently or accompanied by sobs, they were always there.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder; it was Esme, Edward's mother.

"You need to eat, dear," she'd been most adamant about my diet. Everyone kind of watched to make sure I ate, but Esme always reminded me to.

"I'm not hungry," I really wasn't, the need to eat was not something that I was paying attention to.

"You haven't eaten in almost fifteen hours," count on Esme to know just how long it's been since I'd eaten.

"I'm not hungry." She sighed.

"Please, sweetheart. Just eat a little bit, for me?" the love and affection that laced her voice broke the leaky dam I'd been trying to hold my tears in. She was Edward's mother, her baby was lying in a hospital bed, fate up in the air, and she was comforting me, like a mother would. Like my mother should have been, were she here. I had never thought too much on the fact I didn't have a mother anymore. Charlie hadn't exactly known how to handle a teenage girl who'd just lost her mother; he kind of tried to pretend it didn't happen. And while I missed her, I really couldn't miss affection like this, because I had always been the one to comfort her. Even when I was the one on the floor crying, I had to assure her I was okay. But here was Esme, picture of a perfect mother, comforting her dying son's girlfriend. Would she be mad later? When she realized I'd ruined her son's life? That I'd taken away every chance he had to accomplish his dreams? No, she wouldn't be. She'd see our baby as gift, a miracle, not something to be angry over. She wouldn't let us pay for childcare; she'd want to spend every moment she could with her grandchild. She rocked me in her arms and ran a soothing hand over my filthy hair. When was the last time I showered? _The night Edward got in the accident_. I answered myself.

"It'll be okay, honey," she whispered into my hair.

"NO! It won't be okay! Nothing will ever be okay again!"

"Of course it will, don't be silly."

She held me a while longer, my tears soaked into her shirt. I think I fell asleep at some point, but I'm not sure.

"Bella?" she sounded cautious.

"Yes?"

"I think that, maybe you should get some fresh air-," my head turned so fast I gave myself whiplash.

"I'm not leaving him," it came out harsher than I intended it to, I didn't want to be harsh with Esme.

"Honey, I think he'd want you to get some fresh air."

"It's raining," as if that was an excuse to not go out.

"Bella, you've been in here a week, you haven't been more than two feet near that door. You need to go outside, smell the flowers, he'd want that," she was just as concerned for me as before I snubbed her.

"I wanna be here when he wakes up," I was not leaving him, not in a hundred years.

"Honey, they have him on so many drugs he probably won't wake up for a while, he'd want-,"

"I'm not leaving him! I can't, Esme!"

"You can come right back, honey. He'd want it."

"If our roles were reversed, and I was lying in the bed and he was sitting by my side, do you honestly think he'd leave me?" she sighed.

"No. But you're not helping anything sitting there. You need to take care of yourself, Bella. That's what he'd want, what good are you to him if when he wakes up and you can't even function correctly?" I looked back at him, his perfect body shrouded in plaster and gauze. She was right, of course she was. I needed to take care of us; it would not be helpful if we had a sick baby, too.

"Just five minutes," she smiled sadly and helped me up. She was right; not eating was making me weak.

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**Sneak Peek of Chapter 2:**

"He…doesn't remember me?"


	2. Gone

**I told you I have no patience. If you're reading this it's probably the day after I posted the first chapter, because, like I said, I have no patience!**

**AND A BIG SHOUT OUT TO MY BETA/AWESOME-NESS WHO HAS EDITED THE WHOLE OF THIS STORY!!! Keira(tommyxloser) is the most fantastical beta there has ever been and I owe her this story and my sanity.**

Edward POV (4:22 pm, Wednesday June 2, 2005):

_What is that noise_? Was that my alarm? And why did my bed suddenly seem so uncomfortable? I felt stiff, like I hadn't moved for a very long time, and I hurt, like someone had hit me very hard over the head. My legs, ugh, and my arms. What the hell?

I opened my eyes to find they were reluctant to open, dried shut by mucus and what not.

I didn't recognize where I was. The walls were a hideous white color, tacky dime store paintings hung on the wall in cheap metal frames.

"Ugh," I was so sore. I jumped when I looked down at myself, and realized that movement in the slightest hurt really, really bad. I was covered in plaster and gauze, I couldn't see one inch of my skin.

"Edward!" the high pitched squeal hurt my ears.

"Alice, don't scream, please," she looked apologetic. And she looked…taller? She wasn't tall, midget like, in fact, but she was taller than she was yesterday. Or, was it yesterday? By this point I gathered I was in a hospital, and covered in plaster. How long had I been here?

"Sorry. It's just so good to see you awake!" she whispered/screamed in that way that only she does.

"How long have I been out?"

"Almost a week," A week?! I'd wasted a week of my summer vacation! Dammit, and God knows how long I'd be in here for, I couldn't even move! And this would probably take some serious physical therapy afterwards. My muscles would be all shriveled and mutated from lack of use.

"What happened? How did I get in here?"

"You were in a car accident," oh god, was mom okay? It wouldn't be dad driving me around; he didn't have time to drive me around.

"Where's mom? Is she okay?"

"As good as to be expected. She was quite worried about you."

"Worrying about me, of course," I muttered under my breath. "Did she get hurt?" I asked, louder.

"What do you mean?" Alice looked a bit puzzled.

"Did she get hurt in the accident?!" I wanted to know if my mom was okay and she was being incredibly slow about answering me.

"She wasn't in the car with you, Edward," Alice said slowly, looking I'd grown a third head.

"Dad was driving me around?" figures, the one time he has time to take me anywhere I end up in the hospital. "He's okay though isn't he?" having him injured was no better than having mom hurt.

"What?" why was she staring at me like that? It was a valid question.

"Is dad okay?" but before she could answer me a man in a white lab coat walked into the room.

"Thank god, someone who will give me a straight answer. Excuse me, could you please tell me if my father's okay?" I wondered who this doctor was; I'd never seen him before.

"Edward, I'm Dr. Brown. I'm going to ask you a series of questions and I need you to answer to the best of your abilities. I'm also going to check the feeling in your legs," my legs? What, was I paralyzed or something? No, I could feel my legs. _Don_'_t be silly_, _Edward_, _you_'_re not paralyzed_! "Miss Cullen, I'm going to have to ask that you step out for a moment," Alice nodded and left the room.

The doctor walked to the foot of my bed and moved the blanket covering my feet. Huh, at least those were spared. Did my feet look bigger? No, they're probably just swollen or something. He took out a pencil and poked my foot with point of it.

"Ow! What are you doing? I could have told you my legs hurt without you poking them!" he chuckled.

"Standard procedure. Could you wiggle your toes for me, Edward?" wiggle my toes? Okay.

"Very good! Everyone will be very pleased," he smiled.

"Uh, Dr. Brown, could you please tell me what's going on? Is my dad okay?"

"Who's the current president?" _What_? Why did he keep skirting my questions?!

"Why?"

"Just answer the question please, Edward."

"George W. Bush. Why is this important?"

"What's your full name?"

"Edward Anthony Cullen. Why-,"

"What's your birthday?"

"June 20, 1989. Why are you-,"

"What year is it?"

"2001! Why are you asking me all these questions?!" for the first time in two minutes the idiot doctor stopped talking. But if he was going to look at me like that I think I'd prefer the incessant chatter.

"Edward…how old do you think you are?" the way he said it. How old do I _think_ I am? What on Earth?

"I'm fourteen. I just turned fourteen, last week, or I think it was last week. I've been out for a week right?"

"Oh dear." Oh dear what?!

"What? What is it?"

"Edward, now, I have to tell you that we expected this. It's not too major, I suppose. This is normal; we just didn't…expect it to this magnitude. I thought…a few months at the most…"

"What are you talking about?!" he was scaring me.

"When you got in the accident, you hit your head. There was some internal bleeding, and some other trauma due to the injury. I managed to stop the bleeding, but it seems, that…not all of your memory was recovered."

"My memory?"

"You think it's 2001, that you're fourteen?"

"Yes." He sighed.

"It's…you turned fourteen nearly four years ago, Edward. You'll be nineteen next month." What? Nineteen? No…I…I couldn't just not remember five years of my life. I…no…that…

"It is quite possible you may recover your memory. Certain things may trigger certain memories. You just have to give it time."

"I was driving the car?" my voice took on a monotone quality that both shocked and scared me.

"Yes."

"No one was with me?"

"No." Okay, that's all that mattered. That everyone was okay.

"I want to see my family." How awkward would that conversation be? What would they say? What would they think? Would they pity me? I didn't want their pity.

"Let me get them. Would you like me to tell them, or would you prefer to?"

"You tell them," I didn't want to see the look on my mother's face when I told her I didn't have four years of my life.

"Okay," he left, closing the door behind them. I thought I heard someone shout. I listened as hard as I could, at the same time not wanting to hear. I couldn't make out any distinct words, but I thought I heard someone crying. I'd never heard something so heartbreaking, so soul crushing. I wanted to jump from this bed and go and comfort whoever this crying person was. I felt like…I knew them somehow, was it someone I had forgotten? The door opened and I through the open door I definitely heard crying, sobbing, more like. Emmett and Jasper walked in, nervous smiles on their faces. It made me want to cry, Emmett was never nervous.

"Hey man," Emmett put his fist up like he was waiting for a pound, but Jasper elbowed him. At least he remembered I couldn't move.

"Hey," I sounded quite hoarse.

"You screwed yourself up pretty bad, man," he laughed uneasily.

"Yeah, I suppose I did. How's mom holding up?"

"Trying not to cry," Emmett chuckled.

"Doesn't sound like she's doing a very good job," I could still hear crying through the door. They shared a quick glance, one they didn't want me to see.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Emmett changed the subject.

"You and me, we were in the backyard, we were playing baseball with Jasper, with the new bat mom and dad bought me for my birthday, you kept throwing it in the mud," I frowned, things got fuzzy after that. Well, it was four years ago.

"Oh, dude!" Jasper laughed. "I remember that! Whatever happened to that thing, man?!" Emmett nearly fell out of his chair with that booming laugh he had. If possible he had gotten more muscular since we were younger, he was much taller, and his shoulders were broader, so were Jasper's. Would I look different, too?

"The three of us sent it flying through Mrs. Parker's window! That old monkey! She tried to sue dad! And then she never gave us the bat back!" they lost my bat?! But I had barely gotten the chance to…_you had four years of memories with that thing_, _Edward_. _You just don_'_t remember them_.

"She still around?" I wondered what had happened to her.

"Nah, kicked the bucket last year," I wasn't even around for that. How could I not remember her death?

"You ever ask out Rosalie?" Rosalie was Jasper's sister, totally pigheaded, gorgeous, but pigheaded. But Emmett was sort of an idiot sometimes; they would be kind of good for each other.

"Yeah, we're going on two years in July." Two years!

"Yeah, and I had to give them both the safe sex talk, didn't I Emmett?" Jasper elbowed him playfully.

"I wouldn't have had unprotected sex, Jasper. C'mon, you think I wanna be a dad in high school?" they both laughed. He had slept with her?!

"What happened to waiting until marriage?" for whatever reason they both busted out laughing at a level that even drowned out the shouting that could be heard from outside. "What's so funny?!" We were raised to have respect for women, for sex, that it was something that should only be done within the promise of forever. Why was that so funny?

"I'm glad to see that hasn't changed!" Emmet slapped his knee. Odd, I know.

"You're exactly the same, man, exactly!" even Jasper was laughing. Wait a second…

"You haven't had sex with my sister have you?!" this sent them into more peals of laughter.

"Jasper Whitlock, I swear to god, if you've so much as even _thought_ about Alice that way-," suddenly the door burst open and in walked the pixie herself.

"Alice, are you okay?" Jasper's laughter ceased the instant he saw her tear streaked face.

"I'm fine, I'll tell you about it later, I'm fine," she was hiccupping, like she was trying not to cry.

"Alice, what happened?" I didn't want my sister to be upset. She looked up at me with a pained look on her face, the look in her eyes, like she was debating telling me something…and decided.

"I'm fine, Edward. Don't worry about me; you worry about getting better okay?"

"Okay, Alice, okay," I looked to Jasper and Emmett, who looked just as puzzled as I.

The door opened again, it was my mother this time. What had happened that made them both look so…forlorn.

"Oh Edward," she walked over to me, and so gently that it was painless, kissed my cheek.

"Mom, I'm sorry-,"

"Shh, don't be sorry, my love. None of this is your fault. I just wish you didn't have such a need to speed," she smiled a watery smile.

"Mom, I think you mean a 'need _for_ speed'," Emmett chuckled, mom shot him a glare.

"I'll say it however I want, young man," her reproach wiped that grin off his face. Good job, mom.

"Esme?!" dad busted into my room looking quite distraught. "What's going on?! Bella said-,"

"Wait for me outside, dear." Mom stopped him midsentence, she gave him a look, one of those looks that people in love share, when they're so attuned to each other they know what the other's thinking without even having to speak or ask a question.

"Okay, honey," dad walked back out of my room. Mom followed, but not before they both shot me a pitied glance. Why did they pity me? Who was this Bella person? A nurse?

The door closed behind them. I looked at my siblings and Jasper. Alice was looking anywhere but at me. Jasper and Emmet had their eyes trained on her.

"Alice, what's going on? Where is-,"

"I said I'd tell you later," Alice broke in sharply. She was never sharp with Jasper.

"WHY WOULD YOU LET HER GO?" the loud shout broke through the tension in the room. Was dad yelling at mom? He never yelled at her! He never yelled!

"IT WASN'T OUR CHOICE TO MAKE!"

"But Esme, Edward would want…" the voice trailed off. What, what would I want?

"Alice, what's going on? What are they talking about?" I had to know, and she was going to tell me.

"It's not important, Edward." She smiled reassuringly at me, but it didn't reach her eyes. I'd just have to trust her, trust that she wouldn't lie to me about something important.

Mom and dad walked back in. I almost jumped again. I'd never seen my father look so…sad. Even when things weren't going right, he always tried to be strong for us. When he saw me he plastered a fake smile on his face.

"How are you, son? You had us all quite worried about you," mom put her arm around him and rested her head on his shoulder. It looked like he needed the support.

"Fine, I think might be in shock," I laughed uneasily.

"Completely understandable," he smiled back that watery smile that everyone seemed to be wearing.

We talked a while longer. Apparently I had a scholarship to Julliard. That some pieces I had composed had them convinced I was some prodigy. I couldn't believe I had composed something; I had never really had the inspiration to. At some point Dr. Brown and told them all I needed rest, and that he was going to give me some more morphine to knock me out. They all agreed and left the room.

As I started to drift off to sleep I couldn't help but feel like something was missing, something that wasn't here that had been, something really important. But the drugs got the better of me, and right as the fuzzy picture of girl with brown hair was beginning to come into focus I dozed off into another week long sleep.

Bella POV (4:25 pm, Thursday June 2, 2005):

"What's going on?!" my voice was panicked. There was just so much to panic about.

Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and Rose were crowded outside of Edward's room. The door was closed and there was a man in white lab coat keeping them from going inside.

"Edward woke up," Alice sounded chipper for the first time in a week.

"WHAT?! When?! Why did no one call me?!" Esme rubbed my arm in what I think was supposed to be soothing.

"They won't let us in. We'd thought we'd let you finish your walk," it was Jasper who spoke; he always seemed to know what everyone was feeling, and what to say to calm them down.

"Excuse me, sir. Could you tell me what's happening?" I turned to the man standing guard at the door.

"I don't know anything, miss. The doctor's in there with him now."

"Do you know where Dr. Cullen is? Carlisle Cullen?"

"He's with another patient; they wouldn't let him off his shift."

We stood outside another ten minutes, waiting for some sort of news. The idea that my Edward was awake and waiting for me just behind the door made it hard not to barging in there demanding they let me see him.

"What's taking them so long?!" I was growing impatient.

"Just standard procedure, I'm sure. They're probably checking to see if…if he can still feel his legs or not." The man at the door sounded remorseful.

Suddenly the door opened at the neurosurgeon from Seattle walked out. But before I could rush in he closed the door behind him and put up an arm to stop me.

"What's going on?! Is he okay?! Please,-,"

"Miss Swan, please calm down. I'll explain the situation, but please, you need to calm down."

"Please doctor, just, how is my son," Esme's voice was filled with conviction, like no matter what he said she would try her hardest to be okay.

"Well, the good news is, he has movement in his legs. He can wiggle his toes and when poke his foot he can feel it." I let out a long breath. Everything was fine, nothing could be worse than paralysis. He would be okay.

"And the bad news?"

"He has lost a sufficient amount of his memory." Even this wasn't too bad. So he forgot a few trig lessons.

"How much?" the doctor sighed.

"Edward thinks he's fourteen. He doesn't remember anything past his fourteenth birthday. The last thing he remembers is three days after his birthday, June 23, 2001. He does seem quite mature for a fourteen year old, like he kept his personality but lost his memory, he's the same person. He just…doesn't remember everything that he should," okay, so it was a little more than a few trig lessons. But, still, memories, he could make new ones, we would. Yes, it was awful he'd forgotten high school. We'd had some of the greatest times, but it wasn't detrimental, he'd survive.

"Oh thank God," I let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding. I looked around, and realized that no one looked the slightest bit mollified.

"Bella, he thinks it's 2001," Alice said slowly, any sign of chipperness gone from her voice now.

"Yes, but he's gonna be okay, he'll survive, we'll be fine. If its all that important to him I'm sure he could relearn the things he needs for school, and I could help him if he really needs it, I mean, I know I'm not the smartest but I got the basics and it's not like he's majoring in anything super mathy or sciency-," there expressions cut me off.

"What?" my tone was sharp. I didn't understand how they couldn't be happy, relieved?

"Bella, you said you could help him…how?"

"What do you mean 'how'? How else would you help someone who didn't know the material-," Jasper cut me off now, and his expression looked like someone was burning him.

"Bella, think about it. Edward thinks it's 2001. When…when did you move here, Bella? When did you meet him?" as what he was saying began to sink in I felt myself go numb. I hadn't moved here until the beginning of my sophomore year, which was 2002. One year and two months after Edward's fourteenth birthday. He…he didn't…remember me. No matter how the same he was, he would not know me. Every memory we'd ever made, everything, the first time I'd saw him. I tripped over the curb, he'd jumped out of his mother's car, came to help me up…he didn't remember that. He had no idea who I was, no idea I even existed.

"He…doesn't remember me?"

I rejected the idea, we were so connected, so a part of each other. He made up so much of me; surely he had to remember…didn't he?

"Shh, Bella, it'll be okay, he'll just fall in love with you all over again. You'll be okay, you'll make new memories. Maybe your first meeting could not involve you tripping," Alice smiled at me, but it did not reach her eyes. The sobs wouldn't subside, I cried into her chest and I felt everyone reaching out to hold some part of me. I felt Emmett's large hand, Jasper's strong one, Rose's delicate fingers, and Esme's gentle touch.

What did this mean? I was pregnant with his child, our child. And he would not even remember me. He would have no idea who I was. No idea of the things we shared. He thought he was a virgin for crying out loud! He would not even remember making love to me! He wouldn't remember anything…

I felt an invisible hand reach out and tear my heart from my chest as I realized what I had to do. If he didn't know I existed…didn't even know it was a possibility for his child to be growing inside of me…what obligation would he have? He would have no reason to give up his scholarship to Julliard, no reason to give up all his dreams for me…our baby. He could go on as if we had never existed…as if I'd never existed. He'd be free.

My resolve to absolve him of the mess we'd gotten ourselves into filled me up to the brim and overflowed. I had to hold onto it until I got home…packed my things. Where would I go? Seattle? I couldn't risk running into anyone I knew. It would kill Charlie, but I had to disappear. I could have no contact with anyone from this…life. Big city would be best though, if anyone ever came searching it would be harder to find me. But I couldn't bear to be too faraway. Washington or Oregon, those were my options, if the only familiarity I was allowed was the weather I'd take it. I'd have to be quick, leave a note to Charlie. I was officially an adult now; the law couldn't return me home even if Charlie sent out every policeman in the country. Money. What was I going to about money? My college account. I couldn't go to college now, anyway. I'd go to the bank, pull out all my money, and then close the account so that no one could track me through that. It wasn't much, but it'd last me a few weeks, and I'd be wherever I was going by then. I'd get a job right away. It'd have to be one with medical insurance; I couldn't pay all the medical bills I'd have to pay in the next few months without some assistance. And I was too proud to go on welfare. Where was I gonna stay? It'd have to be hotels at first, until I saved up enough to rent an apartment. I had my truck, so I didn't need to buy a car, I wouldn't have had the money to anyway.

"Bella? Do you wanna go in?" I wasn't sobbing anymore. I looked up to find only Alice and Esme were with me now, they must have sent the boys to see Edward.

"No."

"You need to go in eventually, Bella."

"No, I can't go in there, Alice."

"I know you're scared, Bells. But it'll be okay, we'll be with you, all of us. And what choice will he have but to fall in love with you all over again? As wonderful as you are?" she smiled a watery smile.

"You don't understand. I'm not going in there," their expressions were confused.

"What do you mean?"

"He doesn't remember, Alice. What need do I have to go in there? What could possibly possess me to go in?"

"Because you love him? Bella, don't be silly!"

"I'm not being silly. Look, you are going to go in there, and you are not going to mention me. You are going to pretend you are as unaware of my existence as he is. Then, before they release him from the hospital, you are going to go home and remove any trace of me. Every picture of us, every love letter, every sock I've left there, _everything_. You're going to get rid of it, all of it. Alice, that means your stuff, too. I can't risk him coming in and seeing a picture of you and me in your room. You cannot let him know anything about me. Like I never existed," my voice was strong, unmoving. I didn't feel like that inside.

"Bella, _why_? Why would we do that?" their expressions grew more and more horrified with every word I spoke, like they couldn't believe what I was saying, I couldn't believe what I was saying.

"I can't tell you why. You'd never let me leave if I did-."

"LEAVE? Where are you going?!" she was in shock.

"Oh Alice, I can't tell you that, either. But I promise you, if there were any other way, I'd take that road instead."

"NO! YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, ISABELLA!"

"No, Alice, I'm not."

"Bella, listen, please," Esme spoke now. "Even if he doesn't remember you, don't you think he'll miss your presence? That some part of him won't be aware of your absence? And maybe after seeing you his memory will be triggered or something, maybe he'll remember-,"

"That's why I can't risk going in there to say goodbye, he'd never let me leave."

"Why are you leaving, anyway?! This doesn't make any sense! Don't you want him to remember you?!" I pondered how to answer that question.

"I…it doesn't matter what I want, it matters what he needs, what's best for him. And me leaving is what's best."

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?! HE LOVES YOU! HOW CAN LOSING YOU BE WHAT'S BEST?!"

"He's not losing me, Alice. He doesn't even know who I am."

"He'll remember you, Bella, he will, even if you leave, he'll remember you one day. Remember, don't bet against, Alice?" tears came to my eyes, and I almost lost my resolve. But the thought of taking away his life when he couldn't even remember it. How cruel would it be for him to have to pay the price for something he didn't even remember doing?

"I'm going to have to take those odds, Alice. He can't afford to remember me, and I could never live with myself if he did."

"Bella, please…"

"You will do what I ask, won't you?"

"Why the hell should I?" anger shone through the tears streaming down her face.

"Alice, we're going to do what she asks us, this is her decision," Esme looked at me with a look of understanding. Like she knew…

"WHAT ABOUT EDWARD'S DECISION?! HE WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO HER! NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURT HIM! YOU'RE SO SELFISH, BELLA!"

"I'm doing this _for_ him! Not for me, for _him_! Besides, he'd never have to make the choice," and he wouldn't, men couldn't get pregnant.

"Alice, we are going to do what she asks of us, we need to let her make her own choices…and mistakes," I must have imagined that last part, she couldn't know.

Alice glared at me through the tears, I'd never seen her so angry. And for a second it almost looked like…like she hated me. Then she turned abruptly and walked into Edward's room, barely finding the strength to close the door quietly.

I couldn't look at Esme. I knew she knew, and she knew I knew she knew. Yet she was letting me go so easily…was I wrong about her reaction. _Did _she think I was ruining her son's life?

"I suppose it's too much to ask to send me pictures," she laughed a little, but there was no humor.

"It'd be too risky," she nodded.

"Bella, please think this through, he'd want to know his child," her voice cracked.

"I know, but I can't take his dreams from him."

"Do you think they'll mean anything without you in them?"

"He doesn't remember me, Esme. His dreams don't center around me. You'll easily be able to fill in the missing pieces," I was glad they hadn't polished the floors; I couldn't bear to see her reflection in the linoleum.

"You will be a missing piece, a very big missing piece. You are everything to him; do you honestly think that he won't recognize it?"

"I have to be optimistic," I'm not sure she heard the whisper.

"You won't change your mind, will you? You were always very stubborn." I almost smiled.

"No, I won't," she nodded, and looked to the door of Edward's room.

"I should be with my son," I nodded now; I understood that need, somewhat. Huh, it was funny to think I had anything in common with Esme, she was so much better than me. But I was a mother, too.

She opened the door, and when the heavenly voice that floated out of the room cut off by the click of the door…I ran.

I couldn't allow myself to stand there any longer than necessary; I wouldn't be able to stay outside. That need to be with him, with Edward, was too strong, I wouldn't be able to resist. Imagine…had I not gone for that walk…had I been there when…_no_! _This worked out for the best_, _this is best for him_.

"Bella?!" I nearly ran into Carlisle. "What are you doing here? I'd thought you'd be with Edward." Of course he'd assume that, I hadn't been anywhere _but_ with Edward for a week.

"Esme will explain, when you go in there ask to speak to her, tell her she has my permission to tell you everything, I don't have time to explain to you now. But Carlisle, you can't ever repeat what she says to you- you can't," I broke off; the sobs were threatening to take hold again.

"Why are you crying, Bella? Is Edward-,"

"He's fine, he's fine. He can wiggle his toes and everything."

"That's wonderful! But, Bella, where are you going?"

"I can't tell you, I don't have time to explain, I-," and I just pushed him away and ran.

"Bella! BELLA! Come back! WAIT!" but I was already outside…getting into my truck…pushing it to sixty and wishing I had a faster car.

I pulled into the driveway, the cruiser was absent from its usual spot, Charlie would still be at work. _Oh Charlie_, _I_'_m so sorry_…

I booked it up the stairs and threw myself to the floor to grab my duffel bag from under the bed. I nearly pulled the drawer out of the dresser in my haste. I stuffed the bag full with two drawers of clothing and it looked like it would bust at the seams. Then I pulled the luggage set Alice had bought me for my birthday down from the top shelf of the closet, I managed to get the rest of my clothes into the large suitcase, and I threw the rest of my knickknacks into the smaller one. In a time span of three minutes my room was completely bare except for the computer on my desk and the bedding on the single bed I'd slept in for the past two years.

With everything packed I was about to run down the stairs, but caught sight of the open linen closet down the hall. In the very back, behind the old sheets, was the blanket Renee had knitted for me as a baby, when she wanted to be all arts and craftsy. I stopped and walked over to the closet, reached my hand back and grabbed the blanket. It was lumpy and deformed. The yellow yarn was faded and it smelled like dust. I let out a sob, and thanked God my mother wasn't still here so that in this crazy scheme of mine I wasn't hurting her too. But then realized if she was still here I'd be in Phoenix, Edward wouldn't have gotten into a car accident on his way to pick me up for our date, the date in which I would ruin his life, because there never would have been the chance for me to ruin it in the first place. I couldn't have gotten pregnant with a child of a man I'd never met before. I carefully placed the blanket in the stuffed duffel bag and made my way down the stairs, my plan would be kinda useless if I tripped on the stairs and died, because they couldn't hide a funeral from him, and what if he remembered, then I'd just be hurting him more. I placed my bags in the back of the truck and wished I had a tarp or something; I didn't want my clothes to get wet. I ran in the house and grabbed one from Charlie's fishing gear, and left the note I'd written before leaving my room on the kitchen counter. I'd only hoped he listened and didn't come looking for me, or tell anyone about me.

I was pulling out of the driveway, and I took one last look back at the house I'd spent the last two years of my life in. There was the tree Edward climbed up almost every night to get into my window. The front steps, where I'd slipped more times than I could remember. My home, more of a home than I'd ever have again. Because home is where the heart is, and at the moment my heart was lying in a hospital bed covered in plaster, completely unaware I even existed.

Alice POV (10:12 am, Friday July 1, 2005):

Edward was being released from the hospital today. Granted, he'd have to stay in bed most of the time and he'd be undergoing intense physical therapy, but he'd be home.

I was currently in his room, packing Bella's things. I was going through his desk drawer, there were countless of letters in here. Letters written in his elegant script, Bella's untidy scrawl that he adored so much. There were files on his computer, thousands of pictures, short little letters, emails, his desktop background was of the two of them in our backyard, I'd taken the picture. They'd been lying in the grass, just…looking at each other, so in love. He rubbed his thumb over her cheek; she closed her eyes, a small smile on her face. I took the picture just as he leaned into kiss her. He was quite annoyed when the flash interrupted their moment together, but he'd been grateful for the picture later. He said it was his favorite of her, that she looked so peaceful, that you could see her "divine glow". His words not mine. The same picture sat on his nightstand. Another thousand pictures sat in the albums on his bookshelves. I went to pack them and found the dust beginning to settle from a month of no use. He used to look at these pictures everyday, every moment he wasn't with her. I pulled them from the shelf and put them in the box. I had his old cell phone, they managed to save it. It was a little crushed, but the memory card had survived. The background on that had been Bella blowing him a kiss, one of her more flirty moments. I put the memory card in the box with the rest of the "Bella stuff". I wondered if she wanted me to get rid of the bed spread to, and the bed. Lord knows how many nights they spent rolling around in there.

I packed slowly; it was unbearable, seeing years of memories come off the walls. I was so…_furious_ with her! How could she deny him the love he so deserved? Not even leave him the memories. But, more so, how could she deny herself the love that she deserved? They needed each other. Everyone knew that. Edward couldn't go a few hours without seeing, at least hearing her voice, and Bella was no better. I didn't understand how they were going to do this.

Everyone was mad. Everyone. Some were just less forgiving than others. Rosalie, god, she was terrifying, when I told her she nearly shattered the windows. She and Edward were never close, but they were protective of each other, it was an odd relationship, but it was it was. She couldn't understand how she could do that to him, especially since she knew how much she loved him. Emmett was kinda shocked, but when Rose went off he took the roll of defending his "little sis", even though I knew he was just as angry. Jasper, well, he didn't really voice an opinion. He stayed quiet, not one word escaped his mouth. The only thing he'd said on the topic was that we should what she asked, and not mention her. I wondered if he hated her now, for doing this to his best friend.

I had an inkling that mom and dad new why she left, but whenever I brought it up they told me not to mention it and hastily changed the subject. I couldn't honestly imagine a reason good enough for them to justify what she'd done, but they did, they forgave her, in that way that only parents could.

The only thing mom and I seemed to agree on lately was that we weren't getting rid of Bella's stuff, that we were going to keep it in the attic. Neither of us could bear to really just toss it.

After we cleansed the house of all things Bella we marched the boxes to the attic, and there were _a lot_ of boxes. We had always joked that she practically lived here, and with the amount of things in this house that were hers, we could've been right.

I wondered where she was now. Charlie came running into the hospital the night she left, she left him a note, and all her things were gone. She said that she had to leave, that she was sorry, that he wouldn't see her for a while, but to know that she loved him, that she loved all of us, and not to look for her, that if we really cared to not look for her.

"We're home!" Emmett's booming voice broke me out my reverie. He was pushing a disgruntled Edward through the door in a wheelchair; the sight might have made me laugh, if I was in a mood for laughing.

"Alice?" he asked me as we got to his room. He looked around with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Yes, dear brother?" my voice dripping with false cheer.

"Did you guys move anything?"

"No. Why would you ask that?" suddenly nervous.

"I don't know…something seems…off," he did remember, he just didn't know what he was remembering.

"It's just the memory loss. The doctor said things would be off for a while," I hoped my smile was reassuring.

I left Edward to himself. He came back downstairs with the assistance of Emmett for dinner. Life went on. And he was happy enough I suppose. But even if he didn't realize it, we did, he missed her. And we only hoped she missed him just as much.

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**Sneak Peek of Chapter 3:**

"Dad, _please_, tell me you know where she is," a look of recognition crossed his wise face, but he didn't know, no one knew.


	3. Bologna

**A BIG SHOUT OUT TO MY BETA/AWESOME-NESS WHO HAS EDITED THE WHOLE OF THIS STORY!!! Keira(tommyxloser) is the most fantastical beta there has ever been and I owe her this story and my sanity.**

Edward POV (9:02 pm, Saturday June 13, 2009):

"The graduating class this year has worked long hard to improve their artistic talents. You have seen the shining stars of the drama department, the future Picassos, and now, we present to you, the shining star among shining stars. A man who has achieved what musicians only ever dream of achieving. A man who puts Mozart to shame. Ladies and gentleman, I give you Edward Cullen and his orchestra, playing for you an original piece, by the genius himself! Thank you!" I could see my mother in the front row, beside my father. Tiny Alice sitting next to huge Emmet, Jasper was there, and Rose. Rose was due any day now, and while Emmett insisted on keeping her home, and her doctor told her it'd be bad for the baby to fly in her third trimester she'd got on the plane and flew out to New York to see me play.

I always dreaded large gatherings like this, ever since the accident. Christmas had become a chore of sorts. Birthdays. Unfortunately, my birthday was right at the beginning of summer, so I was always home for it. Everyone busted in my door at six in the morning and sang happy birthday to me. They even stuck birthday candles in my omelet. I had always enjoyed that before, to know that everyone I loved was there, wanting to spoil me, though I knew I hated being spoiled. But something was always off now; something was missing from the large pine tree and the egg nog, from the pumpkin pie and the colored streamers. It didn't feel like Christmas anymore, it didn't feel like a birthday.

I signaled for the violinists to start, and the low melody picked up. Soon every instrument was playing in perfect harmony. The cellos, the trombones, the saxophones. It sounded just as I had always imagined it sounding, better even. The vibrations rang through the large concert hall and left the sound of angel bells ringing in my ears. I led them through the complicated melody, through every twist and loop in the music. And then it was over. Just like that, and I found myself feeling that it was not as good as it could've been.

The time after the concert was a blur. The next thing I knew after the song ended was that I was standing in front of my family. Family. They were my family, but…in this moment, I felt that much more alone. The feeling that something was missing had never been this strong before. It physically hurt, like a hole in my chest. The edges were burned and charred and unhealing.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" Alice broke me from my reverie and offered a distraction to the sudden pain.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just, I don't know, I think I could have done better," it was the truth, part of it. I could never admit to my family how alone I felt. I'd brought it up once, with my mother, and she looked like she wanted to cry, I think she did cry. I couldn't bear to bring it up again.

"You did wonderful, Edward. We're so very proud of you, son," Carlisle smiled at me; I think I sort of grimaced.

"Thanks, dad."

"It was beautiful, Edward," I looked over at Alice. Tears were shining in her eyes.

"Ali, what's wrong?" I used that nickname for her when we were children, I hadn't used it since.

"Nothing, you played beautifully is all," Alice assured. I looked up to see my mother wipe something from the corner of her eye.

"Okay, guys, not to break up the sob fest, but there's gourmet food waiting for us over there," Emmett pointed over his shoulders to the door to the banquet hall.

"Emmett, you are so insensitive!" Rose scolded him.

"I'm just making sure my little munchkin gets enough to eat, babe. C'mon, tell me our baby's not hungry," she glared at him.

"Okay, fine, I'll wait," he crossed his arms like a child.

"No, let's go, I'm hungry, too," and I led them to the table that had been reserved for me and my family.

Bella POV (2:58 am, Friday June 3, 2005):

I was so tired. I'd been driving since that afternoon. Just my luck, about two thirds of the way to Olympia they were repairing a road and I couldn't get through, and no one seemed to know an alternate route. Then, finally, after I sat there for six hours some manager, head honcho guy showed up and kindly asked them to move they're equipment from the side of the road so I could go _around_ the construction.

I'd just pulled into the parking lot of some dingy hotel in some small town that reminded me far too much of home, but I was going to pass out behind the wheel, and I didn't have any other options.

"Hello? Ma'am?" I asked the lady behind the desk. She was drooling over a paperback novel. You could see the dark roots in her blonde dye job and the make-up caked on her old face. Her snoring was probably loud enough to wake the whole hotel; it was killing me just being in the room with her. "Excuse me! Ma'am!"

"Yes," she pulled out of her slumber with a nasally snore that made me want to hurl, so it was a good thing I hadn't eaten.

"I need a room please. The sign said there were vacancies," she looked at me through thick pink glasses of a shade that would have made even Alice gag and her beady gray eyes made me feel suddenly naked, like I was available for public scrutiny.

"Room 109 is open," she looked at me like I was a bug or something. Rude.

"Um, can I get the key?" I hope she heard the annoyance in my voice.

"Here you go," she was about to hand me the key but then pulled her hand back. I stared at her.

"Can I have the key please?"

"Pay first." Her voice was like some scratchy, old record player with bad speakers.

"Don't I pay when I check out?"

"This is a precaution to prevent theft."

"Theft? You realize this is Washington, right?"

"Pay first, then I'll give you your key."

"Fine! Here!" I threw the money on the counter. She took her time counting it, and only took longer when I asked her if she'd hurry it up.

"Here's your key, miss," I snatched it from her wrinkly hand and walked back out the door and up the stairs.

The décor was tacky in a way that only motels could be. The blankets on the bed probably hadn't been washed in a year, if ever, and the room smelled strongly of smoke. Wonderful, a smoking room. Was she trying to kill me? I threw my bags down on the floor and peeled off my clothes until I was standing there with absolutely nothing on. I went into the bathroom and turned the shower on as hot I could take it. I stepped in and the first blast of hot water to my skin made me yelp. I stood there a few minutes getting used to the feeling. I let the water relax my tense muscles and sooth the knots in my back. The thought of knots in my back reminded me of Edward. He always said I stressed too much. Whenever he found a knot in my back he called the school posing as our parents and told them we were both incredibly sick just so he could stay home and pamper me until I felt like I'd never even heard of stress. His hands…the thought of him brought tears to my eyes and re-knotted any nerves that had been straightened out. _No_, _Bella_, _you can_'_t think about him_, _he_'_s not apart of your life anymore_. _You have to let him go_. Who was I kidding? How was he not apart of my life? He was the father of my child! He would always be apart of my life. He had my heart. He _was_ my heart. He was _everything_.

When I woke in the morning the water was still running hot water. At least motels were good for something, large water heaters; they didn't run out of hot water. I turned off the shower and stepped out; I don't think I've ever been so pruned before. My hands looked like the lady from downstairs, wonderful. I pulled out a new pair of clothes and got dressed. The last thing I needed was to catch a cold, so I figured I might as well blow dry my hair. I didn't dry it straight, I didn't care what it looked, just that it was dry. When I was done I quietly opened the door. I had only slept maybe three hours; it was around six in the morning. The sun was coming up behind the wispy clouds. It figures, just when the last thing I felt like was sunlight, when I would have done anything to have the weather match my mood, the sun rises to greet me.

An hour and a half later I was entering Olympia. The early risers were out and about. People going for their morning walks, people pulling into office buildings.

Suddenly this surge of pure, tangible _fear_ paralyzed me in my seat. How was I going to do this? Find a job?! Find somewhere to live?! Have a _baby_?! How could I be a mother?! I was eighteen! And…_I was all by myself_. When I took that test, when I'd confirmed my suspicion, I had not imagined I'd be doing this alone. In every image I could conjure up, every vision of the future, Edward was there with me. He was there rocking our baby to sleep, reading bedtime stories, changing diapers. He was there! He was supposed to be here with me! HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! I felt like I was falling apart. There was this gaping hole in my chest, it burned, like the hottest inferno and the coldest ice, it _burned_. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I'm not sure how long I sat there. Hours, days, weeks, it blurred together in this never ending ocean of pain and loneliness.

The sound of fingers rapping on my window snapped me out of my hell. The kind face of a middle aged woman with piercing hazel eyes and red hair met me at my window. I grabbed the handle and turned so I could open the window for her.

"Dear, I'm sorry to intrude, but you look like you could use a cup of tea," she smiled sadly at me. Tea? Here I am, burning from the inside out, and she offers me _tea_?

"Tea sounds nice."

Edward POV (5:36 pm Wednesday June 17, 2009):

_God_, _when did I get so much stuff_? I was packing up my old room, getting ready to move into the apartment I was renting in Seattle, and there was _a lot_ to pack. I had argued with my parents over where I was going to live, they wanted me close to home. My mother especially, but the problem was that the chances of me making it in the music industry were not high in Forks, Washington. So we finally agreed on Seattle. It was close enough for my mother, far enough for me, and big enough in the music industry that I wouldn't be a complete no-name. I wiped my upper lip with the back of my hand and the stubble there reminded me that I hadn't groomed at all since the night of the concert.

"Jesus," I plopped down on a cardboard box that decided that it was not strong enough to hold my weight. It bent and folded in odd ways that made it impossible for me to fix it and use it for my all my crap, and so, I was forced to go downstairs to the smell of my mother's cooking that I was not permitted to eat until dinner and throw the box away in the large trashcan in the driveway.

"Edward, why don't you take a break? You've been at it all day. And you won't let anyone help," my mother looked out worriedly from the kitchen window.

"I'm fine, mom. I just need some more boxes," she nodded.

"There's some in the attic folded up," I went up the stairs, _all the way_ to the _top_ floor,_ three flights_ of _stairs_. I sighed as I reached the old door to the attic. It was quite clean for an attic, not _clean_, though, by my mother's standards at least. I chuckled. She'd always said one day she'd clean out the attic, but there were always so many things she was doing. And now, with her first grandchild, who she was spoiling incessantly, despite the fact he wasn't yet two days old, I doubt she'd ever get around to it. I wonder who'd end up spending more time with Emmett Jr., my mother or Rose. They still hadn't decided on a name, and all you had to do incite Rosalie was call her son Emmett Jr., so naturally, it's what everyone called him. Except mom, of course, she was much more compassionate than the rest of us.

I found the boxes in the very back of the attic, covered in dust and spider webs, no doubt. I cleaned them off with the rag I'd stuffed in my pocket earlier that morning and soon my hands were filthier than the attic itself. The contents of my room would only require maybe twelve more boxes, but to be safe, and show off a bit, I cleaned and carried twenty of them, just to prove to myself I could do it. As I was walking out the door my elbow bumped into the rickety shelf that my great grandfather had built when he had this house built for his wife. Naturally, everything came tumbling to the floor. Yellowed papers spewed everywhere and albums bounced around my feet.

"Crap. Great. Just _wonderful_," I muttered under my breath. Cursing as I gathered up the spillage I shoved the papers and photo albums back in their boxes. I was just about to close the lid on the box when something caught my eye. In the dim light I couldn't see so well, but I couldn't miss the name written in clumsy scrawl on the back of a yellowed envelope.

_Edward_

I opened it gingerly. The writing was foreign to me, I knew no one who wrote like that. Yet…something about it, like it was from a different time…a different life, I _did _know it somehow. I pulled out a letter written in the same hand. As I read it I felt my heart constrict with a pain so fierce surely it would give out.

_February 3, 2005_

_My darling Edward_,

_I shall never understand your obsession with receiving letters from me when I can so easily just drive over there_. _But_, _since they make you so happy_, _I_'_ll write everyday_, _even on the days I see you_, _and the nights you sneak in my window_.

_Charlie found your sock here this morning_. _I thought we were so busted_! _He asked whose it was and I said his_. _Then he asked why I had it in my room_, _I said I had them in the wrong laundry basket and they must_'_ve fallen out_. _He actually believed me_! _You_'_d be very proud_, _I was quite the actress_! _They might even admit me to Julliard_. _Yeah, right_!

_I did laundry this morning_, _and made breakfast_. _Shall I talk about how I folded each sock_?

_I missed you last night_. _I had that dream again_, _the one where I_'_m running from the giant sandwich_. _Only this time it was a turkey sandwich_ _and not the bologna one_. _I think the bologna one is scarier_, _I mean_, _it must be all that fake processed crap they put in it_._ Oh wait_, _sorry_, _it_'_s not _processed_ crap_, _it_'_s _leftover_ crap_. _Silly_ _me_.

_Well, the novelty of writing this morning has worn off, and the ache to see you has grown. So, I'm going to go get in the car and drive over to see your sorry ass, and give you your letter, but mostly because I wanna see you._

_All my love,_

_Bella_

_P.S. Have I told you I love you? Well, I do. XOXOXOX_

_Bella_. How had I forgotten _Bella_? Suddenly the face that I had been grasping at four for years reared up in my mind with a clarity that shocked and terrified me. Those eyes. Those deep, _chocolate_ eyes. That mahogany hair, like silk to the touch. Her skin, like cream and roses. That melodic voice that sounded like music. A familiar melody came rearing up to hit me in the face. The concerto…her lullaby. Oh, God.

I was assaulted with memories of her. Her laugh. Her smile. Her _smell_, like freesias and lavender, accompanied by the scent of her strawberry shampoo. The feel of her in my arms…her lips, the bottom too full for the top. And every memory I lost, every thought that had been kept locked up in my mind, was suddenly all there. I saw it all. The first time I saw her, tripping over the curb to Forks High, I'd jumped out of the car to pick her up off the floor…the first time I gazed into those eyes. Those portals to her soul, and in that moment she stole mine, my soul, my _heart_, forever.

Another memory hit me like a wrecking ball, devastating in its force. The feeling of her bare skin against mine, when I'd made love to her. How had I forgotten that? I remembered feeling guilty, that I had broken the promise I made to myself to save her virtue, no matter how much it killed me that I'd have to wait. I had wanted to show her I meant forever, that I'd be with her _forever_. We'd meant forever, so…_where was she_?

I grabbed the box and dumped it upside down. Hundreds of letters poured out. And pictures, so many pictures. There she was, wrapped up in her scarf and wool coat. I remembered that day, we walked along First Beach, it was twenty degrees outside. But she refused to cancel our picnic; the birds ate most of the food. She smiled up at me from the photo, shattering my heart, the heart that was hers. I picked up another picture, and let out a sob. It was in a broken picture frame, the glass shattered, I removed the broken fragments so I could look at us properly. Alice had taken this photo. I was about to kiss her, her head was tilted back, her eyes closed, a small smile lit her perfect lips. She looked like an angel. My angel. Then there was the one at Christmas. She looked furious as I clipped the necklace I'd bought her around her neck. She always hated getting gifts, she said that she had nothing to give me, and it wasn't fair that I showered her in expensive jewelry and fancy dinners. She never understood that she possessed the only thing I would ever want, ever need, all I wanted was her heart, for her to be mine. A gift she had so freely given, I always felt like I had to make up for that, I had nothing to offer her. And then she would say I didn't see myself clearly, and that I had the same problem I always said she had. Blind to beauty, my beauty, Bella always said I was beautiful.

I had forgotten her. How…my Bella. How could I have forgotten her? She was everything. My whole world, just…_everything_. What had happened to her? Shouldn't she have been there when I woke up? Wouldn't she want to be there when I woke up? Why wouldn't she have come to see me? How could she have just disappeared? I had not heard _from_ or heard _of_ her in over four years, where had she gone? Unless…no, she wasn't in the car with me! _They wouldn't have lied to you about that_! _They_…but they had already lied to me. They had kept her existence a secret from me! Not reminded me of her! They…surely they would have told me if she had been in the car when…Oh god!

The next thing I knew I was running down the stairs at a speed that was surely quite close to the rate I was going when I ran into that damn tree. I had been on my way to pick her up; I was taking her out to dinner, another place she would surely complain about. Was it possible that I had picked her up before I…please God, let her be alive. _Please_. I remember planning out the whole evening. I'd walk her to the end of the pier, it had been a clear night, and the full moon would bounce off the waves perfectly. The stars would shine especially bright, they always did in Washington. Then…I was going to get down on my knee, and ask her to be my wife. To marry me. To make that promise of forever with me. So that when we went off to college, me to Julliard, she to St. Benedicts University for the Literary Arts, she'd know that I always belonged to her, always. My grandmother's ring…where was it?

"Mom! Mom!" I slid into the kitchen, the floors that had been a pristine white were now smudged with dirt, but my mother only had eyes for my distraught expression.

"Edward?! What is it, what's wrong?!" she put her hands to my face and wiped away the tears. I was crying?

"Bella," the whisper was broken. Her eyes widened, and then filled with tears. Bella was like a daughter to her, she _would_ have been her daughter…

"Oh, Edward," she tried to pull me in for a hug but I jerked away.

"Where is she? What happened to her?" my mother took a step back from me. She wouldn't look at me.

"She's gone, honey." Gone? No…that…

"Gone where?" had she been with me…in the car…had I mixed up the events? Was she…no! She was…there was some other explanation!

"I don't know," how could she not know?!

"Tell me she's not…tell me she wasn't in the car with me," my voice cracked.

"Oh, honey, no, she's fine. She wasn't anywhere near your car that night," she looked up at me, tears flowing freely now.

"Then where is she?! Where's Bella?! My Bella, oh god…" my voice cracked.

"She…she left," left? Left where? Where would she go?

"What, that-that doesn't make any sense-she-," she placed on my cheek.

"Right after you woke up, in the hospital, do you remember?" of course I remembered. I woke up thinking I was fourteen. Oh Bella, what she must have thought of me. How could I forget her?

"Yes."

"I-she was…oh, Edward, it's not my place to tell you. You need to hear this from her," How the hell did I do that? I didn't know where she was! She wouldn't tell me where she was!

"Where? Where do I find her, mom? Where did she go? Please, tell me where she went!"

"I don't know, son."

"Then who does know?!"

"She didn't tell anyone where she was going."

"She must have told _someone_, _anyone_!"

"What's going on in here?" dad stood in the door, looking concerned.

"Dad, _please_, tell me you know where she is," a look of recognition crossed his wise face, but he didn't know, no one knew.

**REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!! If you do I'll send you an extended preview of the next chapter!**

**Sneak Peek of Chapter 4:**

"How did you know I was from Washington?"


	4. Linette

**Okay, this one is kind of a filler chapter, I could have put it with the next chapter but I felt that the next chapter deserves a chapter all its own. This is all Bella's POV, kinda shows her getting settled and placing her in the setting she'll be spending, oh, I don't how much time in. Actually, I do, but that's privileged information.**

**AND A BIG SHOUT OUT TO MY BETA/AWESOME-NESS WHO HAS EDITED THE WHOLE OF THIS STORY!!! Keira(tommyxloser) is the most fantastical beta there has ever been and I owe her this story and my sanity.**

**Oh my god! I've been forgetting disclaimers haven't I?????? Okay, well, I don't own the characters! Except the "Mystery Nice Lady" as my Beta called her until I finally went in and wrote her name, and the baby, I own the baby, too. NO COPY RIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED!!!!! DON'T SUE ME!!!!!!!!!**

Bella POV (10:30 am, Friday June 3, 2005):

"There you go, dear," she sent down the steaming mug in front of me. Chamomile, she said it was Chamomile, very soothing, that's what she said.

"Thank you," I took a sip of it. It wasn't sweet, it was hot, and I suppose it was soothing. The smell of it made me want to go to sleep.

"So, what part of Washington are you from."

"How did you know I was from Washington?"

"Your license plate," she smiled sadly.

"Oh." I wasn't sure I wanted to tell her. But here, in this old kitchen, with its old, chipped tile, I felt more at home than I had since I left Edward lying there in the hospital.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, sweetie."

"No. I-I want to." She nodded and waited for me to begin. "I'm not sure how to start," I looked up from my tea.

"Why don't you start at the beginning?" I looked at her open face, and those eyes suddenly made me feel like I was with Esme. They weren't the same color, or shape or anything of the sort, but they held that look, the way a mother looks at her child. And suddenly I was very scared to disappoint this woman.

"You'll think I'm horrible," my voice cracked again. I was going to permanently damage my vocal cords if I didn't stop this crying thing.

"No, honey, never," she put a soothing hand to my hair and wiped the tears from eyes. "Just talk when you're ready okay?" I nodded at her. I tried to stop the hyperventilating; if I couldn't breathe I definitely couldn't talk.

"I-I'm pregnant," I looked back down, scared to find that look you find in people's eyes when they hear of teenage pregnancy.

"Well, that's nothing to cry over, sweetheart," I looked up, startled. What on Earth did she mean? "You've been given a beautiful gift; if that's the only reason you have to be crying than that's no reason at all."

"That's not it. I…I love my baby, but," I looked up at her, she waited calmly for me to finish, that motherly look never leaving her kind face. "I, Edward-he…" I couldn't finish.

"Is Edward the father?" I nodded, tears falling into my mug of tea.

"He, would have been the most wo-nderful da-ad, but," I stopped mid-sentence again.

"But what honey?"

"The night I was going to tell him, he was rushing to come pick me up, and-he was speeding because he was late, he-he hit a tr-ree and-," the sobs overcame me then. I couldn't finish. Salty tears fell into my drink and laid my head on the table. She rubbed soothing circles on my back.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry. But, surely you're family would have helped-,"

"No!" I hiccupped. "He didn't d-die, he- he hit his head, he didn't, doesn't remember me. He thinks he's fourteen. He-I felt so guilty! Taking away his life from him! He would've stayed with me! He would have proposed! We would've done this together! But he'd lose his scholarship, and-and he wouldn't go to Julliard. But, if he didn't remember- he…he didn't have to lose any of that." I was done speaking now, I was incapable of any sort of comprehensible speech.

"Oh, dear. You left without telling him."

"If I stayed, he might have remembered, then- he wouldn't-he would've stayed with me."

"As selfless as that is, honey. Don't you think he would've wanted to know he was a father?"

"I-I don't know. He thought he was fourteen-he-no fourteen year old wants to be a father,"

"But he's not fourteen, dear. I'm guessing he's your age?" I nodded.

"A few months older."

"And how old are you exactly?"

"Eighteen."

"I think he's quite old enough to handle that information." I shook my head.

"He's too selfless, he would have given up everything for me, he loved me too much! And now- he doesn't even remember!"

"Shh, shh," she wiped the hair out of my face. "Why don't you get some rest? There's a spare bedroom," she was letting me stay with her? I nodded.

"Okay." She led me to the spare room and I kicked off my shoes. She turned down the covers for me and tucked me in. She made me feel like a small child, again. Like I didn't need to worry, because she'd take care of me.

"And, honey?"

"Yes?"

"It's not possible to love someone _too_ much," and then she left me to my twisted dreams.

When I woke up the smell of warm soup permeated the air and swirled up my nostrils.

"Ahh," I couldn't remember the last time I had chicken soup. I got up from the bed, a little stiff. I walked into the kitchen to find her chopping carrots. A large pot of what was most definitely chicken soup boiled on the stove.

"You're awake. I was hoping you'd sleep a little longer, heaven knows you need it," she smiled fondly at me. "Why don't you sit down, dear?"

"Let me help you with dinner," I felt like I was intruding, the least I could do was cut up vegetables.

"Oh, no, you don't. You need to rest. As soon as you're finished with dinner I'm sending you right back to bed. We have to get up early tomorrow."

"We do?"

"Yes. First, we need to get you some pre-natal vitamins, I'm guessing you don't have any," I didn't, and suddenly felt very guilty. "Second, I already scheduled you an appointment with my gynecologist, she'll be your OBGYN for the remainder of your pregnancy. I already called my lawyer and he's put you on my insurance so that will cover the costs of the medical bills-,"

"Wait, what?! Why would you do that?!" she smiled at me.

"Dear, you can't do this all by yourself."

"But, I can't even pay you for any of this, and-,"

"You don't need to pay me, sweetie. Actually, I'll be paying you."

"What? No! I can't take your money!"

"You're not taking anything, I'm giving you a job in my bookshop," huh?

"What bookshop?"

"The book shop you walked through to get up the stairs?" she had an amused smile on her face. I blushed; my vision must have been extremely impaired. I couldn't even remember the smell of a bookshop, and I loved that smell.

"What kind of bookshop?" she chuckled.

"An antiquarian bookstore."

"Oh. Okay."

"Okay. Now sit down," she laughed and went back to chopping carrots.

Bella POV (5:46 pm, Wednesday October 19, 2005):

"Have a nice day, Mrs. Rivers," the old lady smiled at me from behind the counter.

"You to, Bella. Thanks for helping me find the book"

"Not a problem, it is my job after all," she laughed.

"You're such a sweetheart. I should go, Bob will be wondering where I am."

"Tell him to listen to the doctor and stay off his feet."

"I'll be sure to tell him that, honey. Take care of the little one for me." I smiled.

"I will," she left, leaving the bells on the door jingling in her wake.

We probably wouldn't get anymore customers today, but I wasn't supposed to close the shop until six, so I was going to have to sit here in all my fat glory and wait until then.

I was a little over six months now, most definitely showing. The morning sickness had finally passed and there was only the occasional bout of nausea in which case I always had a box of saltines on hand. We'd confirmed that my baby was a precious girl last month on the ultrasound. I hadn't decided on a name yet, but I was pretty sure that her middle name would be Linette, if not her first. All the old ladies that came in the shop cooed over me and my, "Oh, so, cute" baby bump. Either all of them were really nice or they were afraid to offend Linette. She had become something of a mother figure for me, and I had already decided that my baby girl was going to call her grandma.

Finally! I walked, waddled, to the door at the dot of six and turned over the open sign so that it read closed through the glass plated door. I turned the lights off and had to carefully maneuver back through the crowded shop to the stairs. The sun had set around an hour ago and the clouds kept any moonlight from offering any sort of beacon to where I was going. The smell of cheese and broccoli casserole wafted down the stairs and made my mouth water. Her cooking was as amazing as Esme's and…I wouldn't think about that, it hurt too much.

But as always I couldn't keep my mind from wandering down that dank corridor, the one that seemed to move around so that it always there no matter what thoughts I was occupied with. Whether those thoughts be of casseroles or books or my too-tight jeans. But it was the closest when I was thinking of my baby, the baby that would grow up without her father because I was a stupid idiot that didn't listen to my boyfriend when he said he wanted to wait until marriage. No, that sounded wrong, I didn't regret her. And, as I had come to believe in the past few months that I'd been here, that this was fate. I was meant to be here, he was meant to be there. There was some greater purpose in all of this. Though, I'd always been sure that we belonged _together._ I laughed quietly to myself, thinking of all the day dreams I'd concocted where Edward came barging in the door of the bookshop and took me into his arms and begged forgiveness, though there was nothing to forgive, but he'd beg anyway. Then he would promise to be the best husband and the best father that he could be for the two of us. I snorted, fate wasn't that nice, and I was stupid and naïve if I thought that somehow that an ending that beautiful lay in store for me.

"You need help, honey?" Linette called down the stairs. She knew I had trouble enough walking as it was, and my large belly had only served to make me clumsier.

"No, I got it," there were only two steps, I could surely manage that. I finally made it up to the sweet aroma of melted cheese and yummy veggies where Linette was cutting up slices of casserole on my plate and pouring a glass of milk for me.

"Here you go, sweetheart," she placed the food in front of me and with the proper utensils I ate like a mad woman who'd spent her whole life living off of rats and bugs.

"Someone was hungry," I had finished the food on my plate in about two minutes flat and was getting up to get a second serving. I wondered suddenly if Emmett could've topped that record, and hoped that the day would come that one day I'd be able to think fondly of things like that without the accompanying pain, and at the same time never wanting to have let go of them that much.

"Yep, who new an unborn baby could eat so much," she rolled her eyes, and laughingly scolded me for making fun of my little girl before she had even taken her first breath.

We sat on the old, antique couch later by the radiator reading Poe. _Ligeia_, to be exact. I was always taken by surprise by the love that the narrator held for his deceased wife. How even in death, she remained most important to him. I knew that kind of love. If somehow, someway, fate decided to be even more cruel than it had been, and took either of them away from me, permanently, my baby or my Edward, nothing could ever exist that would mean more than they did.

**REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!! If you do I'll send you an extended preview of the next chapter!**

**Sneak Peek of Chapter 5:**

"BELLA! BELLA, COME BACK!"


	5. Happy Birthday, Edward

Sorry this took so long, but I was trapped in a no WiFi zone for FIVE DAYS and then my stupid report was due so I didn't get a chance to post even though it was ALREADY WRITTEN!!!! I'm telling you, the universe is out to get me! LOL! Just kidding :):):)

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH THE TWILIGHT SAGA OR STEPHENIE MEYER!!!!!

Edward POV (4:37 am Saturday June 20, 2009):

I awoke in a cold sweat with the sheets sticking to my bare chest and wrapped around my legs.

I'd had _that_ dream again. We were in the forest, moss hung on the towering trees, blocking out any light. I was calling her name, but she didn't respond. She just stood there looking at me, expression blank. I started walking towards her, but suddenly she was farther away, but she hadn't moved. I started running, but she just kept getting farther. I was yelling, "BELLA! BELLA, COME BACK!" panting, I'd never moved so fast in my life, but she wasn't getting any closer. I tripped suddenly; I didn't have the energy to pull myself back up. I mumbled her name into the cold ground, barely lifting my head. She…just stood there. "Please," the whisper was broken, and pained. But she still didn't move, then her figure turned hazy, and I thought it was the fog. But it wasn't, she was starting to disappear, I could see through her. I screamed, and yelled, but when I tried to get up my body was suddenly welded to the ground, and she kept disappearing, right before my very eyes. I always woke up right before she was gone completely.

I glanced over at the digital alarm clock on the bedside table. 4:37am, June 20. Well, isn't that ironic. _Happy birthday_, _Edward_. I congratulated myself sardonically.

I wondered if they'd still come in with the omelet. I hoped to god they wouldn't, I didn't have the energy to act happy.

I'd barely spoken to my family in three days. Alice had come by yesterday, she didn't know that I knew, and walked right into the house like we were best friends that had never wronged each other. "What the hell are you doing here?" my voice had been cold, unyielding. Her eyes had widened, her expression hurt.

"What do you mean?" her voice quivered slightly, but I couldn't care.

"Oh, what, you just expected to waltz right in and pretend that you haven't stolen the most important thing in the world from me? That we could just go on like everything was fine? That somehow, I was actually going to forgive you for what you've done?" my voice had grown louder with each word and soon the sound was loud enough I'm sure it could be heard on the first floor.

"Edward, I-," she whimpered, but if I let her finish I wouldn't be able to keep yelling at her.

"No, Alice! How could you do that to me? How? Because of you she's gone! I don't know where she is! She's just gone and there's no one to blame but you!" she stood there in a stunned silence, tears streaming down her pale face. Her hands hung limply at her sides and her petite frame shook with contained sobs.

"Edward, I tried to-,"

"Well you didn't try hard enough! GET OUT! GET OUT" I stalked towards her and she stumbled backwards, I slammed the door in her miserable face. "DAMMIT! DAMMIT!" my hand swung back and I knocked the desk lamp to the floor, the bulb shattered into a million tiny pieces. Suddenly, I was in a kitchen with yellow cabinets, my love stood there with her hands reaching out, and shattered bowl lay at her feet, shards of porcelain scattered everywhere. I let out one maniacal sob and with one fluid movement wiped the entire contents of my desk top to the floor. I picked up a glass of stagnant water and hurled it across the room. The glass broke into a million pieces and the wall stained a darker shade of gold by the liquid. I fell to my knees, head thrown back, eyes unseeing, but for the perfect face of my darling Bella. I cut my hands open pounding my fists against the floor. But the sharp stinging was nothing compared to the agony I felt at her absence. I cried, for how long I'm not sure, but by the time I finally found it within myself to crawl to the bed and muffle my sobs in the pillows the sun had set and the stars had come out to torture me some more.

I sat up in bed, surveying the mess I had made. Papers, pencils, books, the computer, all lay on the floor. Glass glinted in the moonlight.

It wasn't my sister's fault really. She was just a convenient target for my anger. I could never speak to my mother like that, and I'd be ashamed to talk to dad like that. It wasn't like I wasn't ashamed that I had yelled at Alice, that I'd put the blame on her for this, but it was just…_easier_ to be mad at her. I trusted her so explicitly, trusted her to always be there, no matter what I did to offend her.

Why…I didn't understand how…she could…leave me. There was no logical explanation for it. I laughed once without humor, maybe that was the problem. Bella was a lot of things, but logical wasn't one of them. Maybe…maybe she had wanted to leave. Maybe she didn't love me anymore, and my forgetting her had opened a convenient window, that of which she leave out of without hurting me. But…did she really think I wouldn't remember? That somehow, I could possibly just continue living my life, moved on eventually, got married, had children, never even knowing enough to spare her a single thought? Didn't she know how much she meant to me? Just exactly how much of my life she made up? How could I possibly have gone on living without her?

I didn't know a whole lot in that moment, and nothing mattered really. But I know one thing. I had to find her, discover whatever reason had made her leave, and pray to god that it wasn't because she didn't want me anymore.

Bella POV (11:56 pm Saturday June 20, 2009)

The signature rain fall hit the windshield of the used car I'd bought after my old truck finally quit on me. The thing had died on me right before I'd gotten too big to drive it. I suppose it was kind of a good thing, I would've hated for it to have died with my baby in the car… I shuddered, that was a scary thought.

I pulled in front of the little school house. It was quite small, but in a good way. The bright yellow flowers that sat in the window boxes brought color to the scene and the white wood that paneled the building provided a nice backdrop. Through the rain I could roughly make out figures through the window. I thought I saw Milla, she was in the arms of the teacher's aide, Miss Burnes.

With the umbrella held over my head I hurried through the downpour and into the school.

"Mama!" I looked up startled at the sudden wail. My baby girl's eyes were puffy red and tears streaked down her face like rain water on the windows.

"Baby, what's wrong?!" she reached her arms out to me and I took her into my arms. She buried her face in my shoulder and her arms wrapped my neck. "Shh, baby, it's okay, shh," I ran my hand over the back of her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. One second she's fine and the next she's just crying. She wouldn't tell me what happened and none of the other children would tell me, either," Miss Burnes looked worriedly at my baby girl.

"Honey, sweetheart, look at mommy," she looked up at me, that emerald green shining with tears, hiccups making her whole body shake. "What happened? Did you fall, honey?" she shook her head at me as more tears rolled down her perfect face. "What happened, baby? Tell mommy what happened."

"Miss Burn ted dat we were making cards fer fader's day, but I couldn't makeded one cuz I don't got a fader and very one made funs of mes," she hiccupped and hyperventilated through the whole sentence and her already choppy speech became jumbled and deformed. But not so much that I didn't understand her.

How long had I waited for this day? Dreaded this day? The day where I'd have to somehow explain to my little girl why exactly it was she didn't have a daddy. Why all the other boys and girls had a father and she didn't. It had always killed me, seeing the other children's dads picking them up from school, kissing their foreheads and asking them how they're day went. The choruses of, "Daddy! Daddy!" It had always bugged me. But I felt all that much worse that I hadn't considered that it hurt her, too. Surely she noticed the absence of a male role model in her life, a father figure. How could she not, when she was surrounded by other children who had what I could never give her, something I wanted to give more than anything. That wasn't even the worst part, though. The worst part was that this was my fault.

"Oh, honey. It's okay, shhh," how could I tell her it was okay? How could I try to shrug this off? "I'm gonna get her home," Miss Burnes nodded solemnly and handed me Camilla's things from the cubbies on the far wall.

I got her to the car as quickly as possible and put her in her car seat when she was calm enough to breathe properly. I held her hand awkwardly from the front seat as we drove home and she squeezed it tight whenever the sobs escalated.

The crying had worn her out, so when we got home I rocked her to sleep and put her in bed. I stopped at the door, turning around to look at her. The yellow baby blanket Renee had knitted swathed her small frame.

What had she ever done to deserve this? She was innocence incarnate, beauty, love, perfection. How dare she be denied a father. _You denied her a father_…I reminded myself.

Almost subconsciously I pressed the play button on the CD player sitting on the nightstand. The sweet melody that now flowed through the room would be the closest she'd ever get to him, I only wished she were closer.

Edward POV (1:36 pm, Saturday July 11, 2009):

"You have nothing?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen. There just seems to be nothing on her. She's not registered in any phone books and-,"

"Phone books? Phone books?! I'm not paying you to look through phone books! I could do that myself!"

"I'm sorry, sir. But we start with the most basic methods and then proceed to more difficult ones if we can't find them easily-,"

"Look, I don't care _how_ you proceed. Only that you _find_ her, _soon_."

"Yes, Mr. Cullen. I'll get right on that," I snapped the phone shut and put my head in my hands. It had been almost a month since the full return of my memory. The realization that I'd actually forgotten the most important thing in my world.

They had explained to the best of their abilities, though I still could not forgive, even speak, to them after what they'd done. They said she asked them to get rid of all traces of her, every photo, every letter, she even told them to get rid of any socks she might've left at our home. She was gone within the hour that I woke up, no trace of her. Her room was bare but for her desk, her rocking chair and her bed. She'd gone to the bank and withdrawn all the money she had saved for college. I had checked their first, with St. Benedicts, she would have graduated this year, in June. I almost had to commit murder to get the damn list of students and alumni. She wasn't on either list. There were some close calls, Isabella Smith and Isabella Sanchez, and for a moment I'd thought she might've changed her name. But after going to find Isabella Smith and Isabella Sanchez, they were both blonde and incredibly un-Bella-like. So that left me to the conclusion that she had not attended St. Benedicts University for the Literary Arts, if she had attended college at all. She had confirmed with no other schools that she'd be attending there and her spot would have been given to someone else. That still hadn't kept me from checking every college she'd been accepted to. And when that had failed I harassed every community college in six states until I could be sure that no Isabella Swan attended there.

At that point was where I finally conceded to the private detective agency that Emmett had been so sure of. And wasn't he right? Because going through phone books was a brilliant idea! Okay, maybe it was, and maybe it was sort of the obvious thing, but honestly, were they going to go through every phone book in the country before they found her? That could take years, I didn't have years, every moment I spent away from her broke me a little more. I wouldn't be able to take _years_ of her absence, not now that I was aware of it.

"Hello, sir. What can I get you today?" Did she think she was hot or something? Her blouse was buttoned far to low and her skirt, no, I'm not even sure it could be called a skirt, showed off more skin than even Britney Spears would be comfortable with.

"A chicken sandwich, please," just because she was a whore didn't mean that I shouldn't be polite.

"And to drink?"

"A water."

"Of course," she walked away, swaying her hips in a fashion that I think was supposed to be alluring. I sighed again. Was there no decency left in this world?

When she finally brought me my damn sandwich she bent over a little too far to place it on the table. She then asked, _again_, if there was _something_ else she could get me. If it wasn't for the toddler sitting behind me, at that stage where they resemble parrots who repeat everything they hear, I would have told her I was not interested in feeling her up in the men's bathroom, and that maybe she should be a full time stripper instead of just a part time one because clearly she was better at that than serving food.

The sun had come out today. Why was it the weather always contrasted with my mood? When I was happy and felt like skipping it rained, and when I was sad and depressed and…okay, I'll say it, angsty, the sun came out to brighten the lives of all those people whose problems were just as big as the weather. I swear to God, if I heard one more time what a beautiful day it was I was going to strangle someone.

I walked along the boardwalk, seagulls flying above. Boats sat calmly in the marina. I ached for her to be here with me. To be walking by my side, holding my hand, laughing at herself. What I wouldn't give for that. We would be married now, if I hadn't…She'd be my wife. We'd have a house somewhere, I wouldn't let her live in a stuffy, crowded apartment like the one I currently occupied. We'd be discussing children. We were out of college now, there was no reason we would have waited any longer. We both desperately wanted to be parents. I wanted a baby with her so badly. To see her stomach swollen with my child…our child. Tangible proof of the love we held for each other.

But she was not with me now. We were not married, expecting children. I walked down the boardwalk by myself, hands stuffed in my jacket pockets. I suppose I could blame her for leaving in the first place, but I was never able to blame her for anything. I could never be mad at her, or stay mad at her for more than a few moments. So usually I blamed things on myself. Had I heeded everyone's warning about my driving, listened to Bella when she begged for me to slow down, I wouldn't be in this situation. Bella would be here with me now, I would not have had to scourge the country looking for her. And if I had not…forgotten her. She had every right to leave me. I would have left me. But…I would not have left her. Not for something as silly as forgetting me. I had voiced this thought to my mother. She'd been furious. She told me not to dare assume I loved her more than she loved me, that Bella had her reasons, in that odd mind of hers she'd seen leaving as logical (if anything Bella ever did was logical). If only my mother would tell me why it was Bella left. Because it seems by her reaction that it was not because I had forgotten her.

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**Sneak Peek of Chapter 6:**

"We-we found her, sir."


	6. Camilla Linette Swan

**I'm sorry this took so long, but there were extenuating circumstances. I've decided I'd update once a week, that gives me enough time to update regularly. Hopefully, that's okay with you guys. Thanks for reading. : ) : ) : )**

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**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH STEPHENIE MEYER OR THE TWILIGHT SAGA!!!!!**

Edward POV (12:05 pm, Tuesday October 6, 2009)

"Gah," I threw the entire tubberware of…I'm not sure what it was exactly, I just know it was no longer edible, in the trash. With a little too much force I slammed the refrigerator door shut.

I leaned my back up against the door and slid to the floor. I rested my arms on my knees and lifted my head slightly. The apartment wasn't large, one bedroom, one bathroom, tiny kitchen, smaller living room. The place had clearly not been built for anyone over the height of five foot six, seeing as I hit my head every time I walked through a door.

I cringed at the sudden vision of my mother seeing this place. It was filthy, lists of numbers that didn't belong to my Bella, addresses, anything I could get a hold of that didn't require a warrant from a judge I had. Not only that, forgotten pieces of music, the old letters I'd found in the attic. Granted, I'd taken better care of those than the dead-end leads, and the pictures, I'd taken very good care of those. I even went out and bought a new picture frame for the one that I'd broken when I'd so carelessly dumped that box upside down. People had stared at me when I walked into the store, apparently an unshaven man who hadn't showered in what must have been a week turned a few heads, who would have thought. Unconsciously, I ran my fingers over my chin. Hmm, there wasn't too much stubble, I must have groomed in the last couple days.

The phone rang with a shrill tone that made my head hurt. I groaned. Either it was my mother checking up on me to make sure I was still alive and I hadn't hung myself or it was another fruitless update from those idiot "detectives". Let's hope it was my mother.

I caught the phone on the last ring, "Hello?" my voice was scratchy and thick, like someone had taken a razor blade to the inside of my throat.

"Mr. Cullen?" he stuttered a bit. Hmm, I wondered if I scared him with my cold, inhospitable attitude towards him.

"Yes."

"We-we found her, sir."

Bella POV (3:29 am Monday December 12, 2005)

"GOD DAMMIT!" I gritted my teeth against the pain. Sweat ran down my face and drenched my hair. My hands dug into the bed sheets while I tried not to scream.

"Shhh, Bella, it's okay," Linette ran a soothing hand over my head. She looked at me with a concerned expression. The edges of her mouth turned down in a small frown and she bit her lip.

"IT HURTS!" well, duh, you idiot, no one said labor was going to be painless.

"I know, honey, I know," apparently Joan had had a son, but he died a few years back, car accident. I cringed internally, it had come too close to that, at least he was alive.

"Where's my damn epidural?!"

"You said you didn't want one, dear."

"Why on Earth would you let me say that?! I change my mind! Where is it?! Get a doctor!"

"You're already too dilated, Bella. They can't give you one now," she frowned a bit more.

"WHY?! THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

"You'll be okay, you were already eight inches the last time the doctor checked, a couple hours at the most-,"

"HOURS?! HOURS IS _NOT_ OKAY! I've been here since two pm yesterday!"

"Shh," she ran another hand over my head as another contraction racked my body.

"Is everything okay in here?" a worried nurse walked in to check on me.

"Does it_ look_ like I'm okay?! Get the hell out! NOW!" she scurried quickly away looking quite terrified. Huh, you think the nurses in the maternity ward would be used to screaming women, maybe she was new.

When the contraction passed I dozed off for a bit. When I woke up Linette was sleeping in the recliner in the corner. I knew I'd kept her up for the past twenty one hours and I'd thought I'd let her sleep. In between contractions I was left with nothing to but stare at ugly replicas of ugly paintings and observe the cracks in the ceiling. All this time gave me an opportunity to let my thoughts wander, and for a moment I let myself live that dream that had been pestering me for the past few hours.

He lied next to me in the large maternity bed, his arms wrapped around me. He kept his large hand on my swollen tummy and kissed my sweaty forehead, holding me to him when I thrashed around due to the pain. He whispered how much he loved me, how proud he was of me for bearing this, how grateful he was for our precious baby. I felt myself smile, what a beautiful picture that was.

A sudden contraction ripped me from my daydream catching me off guard so that I screamed louder than I had in my whole life. Linette woke up suddenly and rushed to my side. She tried to wipe the sweat from my forehead but I shook my head, she wasn't the one I wanted there, wasn't the person who should be there, who was _supposed_ to be there.

"Miss Swan?" the voice of my OBGYN startled the hell out of me, and I glared at her for not insisting I get a damn epidural.

"What?!" it came out as a snarl, but she wasn't scared away as easily as the nurse.

"I need to check your progress," I nodded at her and she walked over to the bed to check how dilated I was.

"Well, it's time, you're ten centimeters," my breath hitched suddenly. This was happening much too fast. She couldn't be coming yet. I wasn't ready. I couldn't be a mother now. Not a proper one. I was eighteen. In mere minutes I'd be in charge of someone else's life, I'd be responsible for another person, a person completely, wholly dependent on me. I couldn't handle this, I couldn't, I just-

"Calm down, Bella. It's okay, you can do this," my head whipped towards Linette. How did she do that? Know exactly what I was thinking? Maybe it was some motherly instinct.

"I'm scared," I whispered, but my voice still cracked at the end.

"Bella, if there's anyone who could do this it's you. You have a better shot at being a good mother than most adults I know. You're like an old person trapped in a young person's body. And you won't be all by yourself, I'll be there every step of the way. Okay?" she smiled and it was the most reassuring thing she could have done at that moment. Maybe she was right, maybe I _could_ do this.

"Okay," I squeezed her hand and turned towards the doctor, took a deep breath…"I'm ready."

Twenty minutes later they placed Camilla Linette Swan in my arms. I cried and felt foolish, how could I let tears obscure the view of this perfect angel lying in my arms.

"Oh, my baby. My sweet girl," I whispered, my throat filled with tears. I placed a kiss on her tiny head and ran the back of my finger over her pink cheek. She had the most beautiful button nose, and long black lashes, she had my hair, too. "Shh, don't cry, angel. Mommy's here, shh," I held her as tight as possible without hurting her, put my forehead to hers. I kissed her nose tenderly.

I couldn't get over the fact that she was mine. That this…angelic creature was mine. That somehow I could deserve something so beautiful. She was my daughter, my flesh and my blood. And…she was Edward's daughter, she was a direct link to the man I loved, and would spend the rest of my life loving. She was a piece of both of us, me and him, him and me, all wrapped up in this one perfect person.

In that moment, it didn't matter what I'd left behind, what I'd denied myself. All that mattered was this bundle in my arms. My life belonged to her, always. In that…indescribable moment, every feeling of pain, though it didn't disappear, suddenly paled in comparison to the want, the need, to love and cherish and protect the little girl in my arms. "I love you."

Edward POV (1:43 pm, Tuesday October 6, 2009)

There it was. The building was of brick, possibly built in the late thirties, early forties, maybe. The downstairs window was large and gave way to the image of ceiling high bookshelves filled with antique books. I could imagine her finding a haven in this place, especially after how cruel the world had been to her, to both of us.

I stood across the street, leaning against my car, hands at my sides. After all these years, these long, lonely years, of missing her, even when I hadn't known what it was exactly I was missing, she stood not two hundred yards away.

Did I just walk in? Walk through the door and proclaim to her my undying love? I _was_ going to go in, even if my entrance wasn't what it should be. What if she…what if she had moved on? What if she had found a more suitable partner in someone else? What if…she didn't love me anymore?

The thought was too painful to dwell on for long, I couldn't bear it.

It started raining suddenly, and either I went in there to see my Bella or got back in the car and drove away. But I knew I couldn't do that.

It was the longest walk I'd ever taken. Every step took an eternity, every breath was a lifetime. I stopped in front of the glass plated door. My throat closed up at the sight. There she stood behind the counter. Her long hair swept back in that signature messy bun. That little crease between her eyebrows was prominent even from here, and it made me wonder what she was worrying over. She looked almost exactly the same as she had the last time I saw her, which I remembered now. Except that, if possible, the wisdom that had always shone in those chocolate eyes shined even brighter than it had. But, I suppose suffering did that to you. Had she suffered as much as I had? The thought that it had probably been worse than mine-after all, she had remembered-made my heart break a little more. She'd had the knowledge of every touch, every kiss, every word we'd shared, and I'd been oblivious.

I felt myself push the door open, I vaguely remember hearing the jingling of bells. But any other thoughts ceased when I was hit with the divine smell of freesias and lavender and strawberry shampoo, and the eyes that had been evading me for over four years looked up into mine.

Bella POV (1:43 pm, Tuesday October 6, 2009)

_No_, _that_'_s not right_. _Hmm_…

I was doing inventory on the new shipment that Linette had ordered from some idiotic middle aged trash whose father had died, and had an incredible collection of first edition Shakespeare plays that his children wanted nothing to do with, and so had sold them to us for next to nothing, when they were worth at least two hundred dollars per volume. Thank goodness for stupid people.

Linette had gone to collect Camilla from school. Well, pre-school, but she was a "big girl" and big girls went to school, not pre-school, or so she said. The years had flown by so fast. She would be turning four soon, I couldn't believe it. Just yesterday the doctor was placing her wailing figure in my arms. She had been so tiny, my fit-in-a-shoe-box baby girl. Camilla had had a full head of hair when she was born. Thick, brown hair. And her eyes, they had not been the customary blue that babies have when they're born, from the first moment she opened them they had been the deep green I had missed so much, that deep green I'd only ever seen in the eyes of her father.

The bells on the door jingled suddenly and I looked up into those same green eyes, but they were not in the precious face of my baby girl.

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**Sneak Peek of Chapter 7:**

"Bella, she-I-we-," I let out a long breath, "you were pregnant,"


	7. You don't know?

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH STEPHENIE MEYER OR THE TWILIGHT SAGA!!!! Don't sue me…**

Edward POV (1:52 pm, Tuesday October 6, 2009)

"Bella," the whispered was awed, reverent. She gasped at the sound of my voice, those eyes that had haunted me widened considerably. I think I just stared for a full two minutes, and she stared back.

I took in every feature of her perfect form. Her messy bun, her dark lashes, the delicate curve of her face. Every line and angle and sweet curve of her body, I drank it in greedily. I let the love that consumed me fill me up and overflow until I was sure she could feel it enveloping her, caressing her.

Slowly, her hand reached out, like some reflex reaction to my being near, just like when we were together before. I was across the room in three strides and I pulled her into my arms and cried into her hair. I felt warm tears trickle down my neck and I knew she was crying, too.

"Oh, Bella. _Bella_." I whispered her name over and over, like a mantra. But the feelings coursing through me were nothing compared to when she finally whispered mine.

"Edward," it was broken, pained, and it made me hate myself. But…

"_Why_?" the sobs racked her body again, and she lost any coherent speech.

"I'm s-orr-y. But you have to under-stan-d, I did it for you, I-,"

"For me? Bella, how is that for me? I've spent four _years_ without you. Years, Bella, years. Four years I could've spent loving you, guarding you, four years I could've spent with you as my wife," my voice cracked and she tensed suddenly.

"You knew…back then. You…you knew. How did you know? Did she tell you?"

"Tell me what? Love, what are you talking about?" she took a step back and I let her go. More tears had welled up in her eyes and her hand moved to cover her mouth.

"Oh god, you don't know…" she whimpered.

"What don't I know, Bella? What is it?" but she couldn't answer, because suddenly the door of the bookshop burst open and a little girl with shoulder length mahogany hair and emerald eyes came bouncing in yelling, "Mama."

She skidded to a stop right in front of me and ran into Bella's legs.

"Mama! We decorated coookies and Mid Burn let me ude the purfle frodting and the pwiddy prinkles! Ten we-Mama, you crying." The little girl looked up curiously at her, a little crease between her eyebrows, like Bella had when she worried.

"Nothing, sweetheart, mommy fell. Why don't you go upstairs with gramma, okay?" I hadn't noticed the red haired woman who'd walked in behind the little girl…my little girl.

I can't describe the emotions that raged through me. I thought I might explode. I couldn't distinguish between them. There was confusion, understanding, anger, fear, joy. A million different feelings coursed through me as the woman my daughter called gramma led her upstairs. Once the two of them were out of my line of sight I looked back at Bella. Silent tears coursed down her perfect face, her eyes downcast, looking at her tattered sneakers.

"Bella…" a single sob escaped her lips, but she bit down with a force that I worried might break the skin. I put a hand under her chin and rubbed my thumb over her lip, she stopped biting. Her sweet breath fanned out over my fingertips. She looked up at me, her eyes scared.

"Bella, she-I-we-," I let out a long breath, "you were pregnant," I said it like a statement, I already knew the answer. She nodded slowly.

She had been pregnant…with _my_ baby. We had created a life, a life that had been growing inside of her, my daughter…and she had _left_.

"How could you?" it came out as a hiss, almost a growl, but not even the sight of her wide, terrified eyes could tame the anger that burned like an inferno in my veins.

"I'm sorry," her voice quivered and shook and shoulders hunched in with fear.

"You're sorry? You're sorry! That's pathetic, Bella!" she was apologizing! Like that would make it all better! That somehow maybe I'd just ignore that she'd kept my daughter from me!

"Edward-," tears fell from her eyes and coursed down her pale face, her body shook with the intensity of her sobs, but I couldn't be compassionate now, and would not be.

"Don't! Don't Edward me! What, did you really think I could forgive you?! That we'd just pretend that you hadn't run off pregnant with my child! That you didn't keep her from me! That suddenly we'd just be this big happy family and everything would just be peachy! Like sunshine and rainbows and the god damn white picket fence!" she shook her head desperately.

"Of course not! I didn't expect anything! I didn't even think you'd ever find us-,"

"Because you didn't want me to find you! Because you wanted to keep her from me!"

"NO! Of course not!" she voice shot up and down through scratchy octaves

"Oh, yeah! Then why would you leave?! Explain that, Bella!"

"You didn't remember! You-you had no idea who I was! How could I ruin your life like that? You had a scholarship to Julliard! You were gonna be a musician-,"

"Oh, so you thought that I'd make it big and when I found you again I'd be some rich, hotshot and you'd just get to reap the rewards of my suffering!" of all the things I'd said to her this was the worst. I knew I was being unfair, and in my head I threw every insult I could think of at myself for inspiring the pain that was written only to clear in her chocolate eyes, but I couldn't stop.

For four years I'd spent a hollow shell of what I wasn't even sure I had been. I'd had no memories, nothing to even sustain my mental health. I had not even dreamed of her, and the void that she had left there had radiated into everything that I did, because, simply put, she had been everything. She was the dream I had while I slept, the first burst of morning light, she was the fresh air I breathed as I walked out the front door, the substance that made up who I was, and without her I had been nothing, everything had been nothing. And when I could finally remember her again, when I was finally granted the privilege of seeing her divine face, it was only in my mind, and the nothingness was that much more painful. But to find that, not only had I been denied Bella's presence in my life, but denied the very knowledge of my daughter's existence. I had missed Bella's pregnancy, not been allowed the sight of seeing her round and glowing, been absent for the birth of my daughter, absent at perhaps the time Bella had needed me most, I'd missed her first smile, not seen her learn to sit up and walk and talk, I'd missed the day she discovered her toes. I…I'd missed everything. Bella had denied me everything.

"NO! You know me better than that, Edward! I wouldn't do that!" it was a plea, she was begging. I didn't want her to beg, I wanted her to yell, and scream, and kick and fight, anything but make me see her screwed up logic and forgive her.

"Yeah, and I'd also never thought you'd be the kind of person who would keep a man from his child, but I guess I was wrong!"

"I was trying to protect you!" protect-what was wrong with her?!

"Protect me! Protect me from what?! You?!" the tears rolled freely down her face now, the salty water leaking from the corners of her beautiful eyes. She looked so defeated, standing there with her hands limply at her sides, taking everything I served her without question or comment. How could I really accuse her like this, yes, a lot of it was her fault, but she wasn't a bad person, I knew that, you just had to look at her and anyone would know that.

"I was protecting you from yourself!" she tried to sound firm but the hiccups broke her speech and the tears rolling into her mouth made her splutter.

"Oh, yes, because knowing my daughter would have been so detrimental-," she cut me off, she was finally getting angry. Good, maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty for yelling at her if she was yelling, too.

"Don't act like you wouldn't have resented me! If I stayed it would have taken away everything! You would have not gone to Julliard! You would have given up any hope of being a musician! You would have gotten a job at some minimum wage place that you hated and you would have come home miserable to me, the teenage mother, who'd sat home all day trying not to feel guilty about ruining your life! You would have hated me, you would have hated both of us!"

"LIKE I DON'T HATE YOU NOW!" any light that had burned in her eyes, whether it be from anger, or sadness, was gone. Her face froze in a mask of shock and pain, and her eyes held all the heartbreak of the world.

"You…you hate…me?" her lips quivered, and when my incoherency at the shock of my blasphemic words kept me from responding she sank to the floor with a broken whimpering that to this day makes me shudder.

"NO! No, Bella, of course I don't hate you! I love you so much, Bella, please, I love you, I'm so sorry, Bella, please!" how could I say that I hated her? Of all the things in the world I felt for this woman, hate was not among them. I loved her with everything that I was, everything that I am, she was everything, I could never hate her. I sank down to the floor and took her small frame in my arms. For a moment I thought that the intensity of her sobbing was making me shake with her, but then realized that my face was as tear-streaked as hers.

"I don't hate you, Bella! I love you, so much, with everything that I am! Please, you have to believe me! I could never hate you, ever! Not ever!" her small hands clutched at my shirt with tenacious fingers and the tightening of my shirt didn't make it any easier to breath.

"I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry, Edward! I shouldn't have kept her from you! I should've stayed! I-,"

"Shh, my love, not now, let's not talk about this now," I tightened my hold on her and buried my face in her sweet hair.

And even through the unspeakable pain of discovering I'd missed four years of my daughter's life, there was also…joy…that my Bella was in my arms again…that we would in fact have time to talk…that I had a daughter in the first place…

"Mama!" I turned my head so fast it gave me whiplash. The little girl was running down the stairs, her brown hair bobbing up and down. She had a crayon drawing in her hand. "Mama!" she stopped when she saw me. Her emerald eyes widened and a small blush colored her pale cheeks. Just like her mother.

"Hi," she said in a small voice. She observed me curiously, like I was some strange, new piece of furniture that particularly fascinated her.

"Hello," she blinked, but didn't say anything else. "What's your name, sweetheart?"

"Camilla, but mama callded me Milla," Milla, I liked it. It sounded a lot like Bella.

It was hard to wrap my head around. Here she stood before me, flesh and blood, my flesh and blood, my baby. She was mine, this perfect angel was my daughter. Mine and Bella's daughter, our baby girl. I couldn't comprehend it, somehow this little girl was a part of me, half me. I could see it, those green eyes, my green eyes copied perfectly into her precious face. And I could see Bella, there in the color of her hair, the shape of her face, her nose, her little lips, and in the crease in her brow. We had created a life, we'd made this angel, this precious baby girl was made of love, our love. She was ours.

"Wud yur name?" she twisted her hands nervously, like Bella did.

"Edward," her eyes widened minisculey.

"I hurded that name befores." She blinked once.

"Have you?" she nodded vigorously.

"Mama saids it when she sleeping," I laughed softly, Bella his her red face in my neck.

"Does she now?" a smile hid itself in my voice. Camilla nodded again.

"All da times. But sudtimes she talks dout sandwiches," I laughed out loud this time.

"Bologna sandwhiches?" her mouth went into a little 'O'.

"How you knowded?" her eyes were wide and earnest.

"Your mama used to talk about sandwiches in her sleep before, too," she gasped and her little hands flew to her mouth.

"You knowded my mama from befur?"

"Yes, we met in high school."

"Ooh! Ooh! I go to school, too!" she bounced up and down, the drawing lay forgotten on the floor.

"Do you? Pre-school?" the utter joy that coursed through me made it hard not to smile.

"No!" she shouted suddenly. Her mouth set in that petulant pout her mother was famous for, her little hands were on her hips and she looked like she was going to give me a serious scolding. I'd never seen anything more adorable.

"No?"

"Pre-school is fur liddle kids, me a big girl," she glared, daring me to protest.

"Of course you are. How old are you, darling?" her hands moved from her hips and she started counting on her fingers. She smiled suddenly when she got to three.

"Three! Me gonna be fur in Detember!" she smiled, her eyes shone with pride that soon, she would be four. Four, I'd be here when she turned four, and five, and six, and every birthday for the rest of my life. I was not going to miss a moment more, I was going to observe every second, every little thing that she said, did, I was going to be there for all of it.

"Camilla! Oh, there you are! Come here, don't bother your mother," the red-haired woman came running down the stairs with a relieved, perturbed expression. Relief at finding the child, and irritability at having lost her in the first place.

"Gramma! Gramma, this is Edward!" she pointed at me excitedly. The woman, or Grandma, as Camilla called her, took on a shocked expression. Her eyes widened and flicked to Bella's tear streaked face. She seemed to be asking a silent question, and Bella nodded.

"Hello, Edward, I'm Linette," she offered her hand to me and I shook it.

"Hello, Linette," Camilla was still bouncing excitedly.

"I was just making lunch, would you like to join us?" her eyes flicked to Bella again. Bella's eyes then searched mine.

"That would be lovely," my eyes remained on Bella's face and I had to resist the urge to kiss her, I wasn't sure how Milla would take to that.

Linette nodded and looked down at the little girl. "Sweetheart, wanna help me put the dressing in the salad?" her little face lit up and she squealed her reply, then she was running up the stairs again, her hair bobbing up and down. Linette laughed and shook her head, then followed after her.

"She looks just like you," I murmured softly.

"I think she looks like her daddy," there was a smile in Bella's voice as she leaned her head against my shoulder. Daddy…daddy, I was a daddy. I'm sure the goofy grin on my face made me look like an idiot.

Edward POV (2:34 pm, Tuesday October 6, 2009)

"Camilla-oh," Bella sighed heavily as the cup of milk toppled to the floor.

"Oops, I'm torry, mama," Camilla looked remorsefully up at her mother.

"It's okay, baby. Mommy will clean it up, okay?" the little girl nodded and looked like she was trying to be extra careful with her plate of food.

"Let me get it," I pushed Bella gently back into her seat and got up from the table.

"No, Edward-,"

"Please, love, let me do this," the whisper was too low for anyone but her to hear. Bella's eyes searched my face, and after a second a hint of smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

"Okay," I smiled and went to wipe up the milk off the floor.

When we were finished eating Camilla started getting sleepy and Bella went to put her down for a nap. I wondered briefly if she talked in her sleep like her mother.

"Bella," Bella turned to Linette who had just shut off the faucet in the sink.

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to go back down to the shop, I'll finish up today."

"Oh no, Linette, I-," she rolled her eyes at my love then shot another glance at me.

"I'll finish up today, Bella. I think you have more pressing matters to attend to," another glance in my direction. I wasn't quite sure what Linette thought of me, but I hoped she was rooting for us to fix this, that she didn't want me to disappear.

"Okay," Bella looked at me now, "Maybe, we could go for a walk?" a walk would be good, the fresh air would clear my head, make it easier to discuss this.

"That sounds perfect," she smiled nervously.

Five minutes later we were strolling down 11th Avenue. My hands swung awkwardly at my sides, and when it became clear that neither of us had the courage to grab the other's hand I stuffed them in my coat pockets. The silence became unbearable.

"Bella, we need to talk."

**SHOUT OUT TO MY FANTABULOUS BETA TOMMYXLOSER!!! She edited this for me, too, go figure. **

**REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!**

**Sneak Peek of Chapter 8:**

"I mean it's not right to hold certifiably insane people responsible for their actions,"


	8. Daddy

Okay, I know that technically it's Sunday…but you could say that it's late Saturday night…and I know that I am also two weeks late with this…but see…well, I graduated the week I was supposed to update, and then the week after was this emotional roller coaster where I did nothing but cry and fight with my mother and my step-dad. But, I'm better now. The only thing that might get in the way of my writing is I start my babysitting gig on Monday and I'll be watching four kids four days a week from eight to one. But I'll still have afternoons, Fridays, and weekends, so I wouldn't worry too much. Anyway, sorry again and please enjoy.

P.S. Before you comment on it in your review, I know I didn't send sneak peeks, but that's because I rewrote the chapter ten bajillion times and that line just didn't fit. I'll try to get it in there because I really do love that line, and a few others I didn't end up using, but anyway, I'm sorry. For both things.

Previously…

_Five minutes later we were strolling down 11th Avenue. My hands swung awkwardly at my sides, and when it became clear that neither of us had the courage to grab the other's hand I stuffed them in my coat pockets. The silence became unbearable._

"_Bella, we need to talk."_

**Edward POV (3:17 pm, Tuesday October 6, 2009)**

"I know," she smiled sadly and put her hands in her pockets as I had done earlier.

"Do you want to start or should I?"

"I think I have quite a bit more explaining to do." She let out a single laugh, a weary smile on her face.

"I suppose you do," I chuckled once without humor.

We kept walking, the rain had quieted down into a drizzle, and I could feel the small droplets on my face. She was quiet for several minutes longer. The expression on her face made it hard to look at her without taking her into my arms, but I needed an explanation first.

None of this had been expected. In my wildest dreams I hadn't seen this being the reason for her disappearance, the reason my every dream was filled with misery and horror. Especially considering the fact that if she hadn't left, if I had always had my daughter and Bella with me, I would have been the happiest man in the world.

"I felt so guilty," she spoke suddenly, breaking the tense silence.

"About what?" as horrible as it sounded, I couldn't help thinking she had many things to feel guilty for. I wasn't quite sure if I had forgiven her completely yet. Nor was I sure if I could ever forgive her, though if I kept up with my track record she would be forgiven before the hour was up.

"All I could think about how I was taking everything away from you, how you would have given everything up so that you could be around for us. And don't deny it, Edward, you and I both know you would've given it all up. Julliard, college, music." And I couldn't deny it. She was right. There wasn't a single thing in the world I wouldn't have done for her, and our baby, had I known then.

"I kept playing it over and over in my head. I saw us sitting in that ridiculously overpriced restaurant and me choking on the words over imported Italian pasta, I saw us walking along the pier and being so distracted with what I was saying that I tripped as I told you, you caught me of course, I saw us sitting in your car, you refusing to drive until I told you what was wrong, but in every scenario the ending was the same. I ended up with a ring on my finger standing before you in a white dress – because you are just that old fashioned," she added as an afterthought, a small smile lit her face for a fraction of a second, and then it was gone. I almost smiled, too.

"And in every picture you were there; rubbing my swollen feet, holding my hair back as I threw up. You were holding my hand in the delivery room telling me how grateful you were for our baby, how proud you were of me. And the look on your face the first time you saw her, how proud and happy and filled with love. I saw you sitting in my hand-me-down rocking chair soothing her to sleep, whispering how much you loved her. I saw her saying her first word; saw that word being 'daddy'. You were there for everything, and as much as it didn't make sense, you were happy to be there. And I wanted it so bad, but I felt so _guilty_." She took in a shaky breath and I saw she was crying.

"Bella," I sighed softly and reached out to pull her into my arms, but she pulled away.

"No, I need to finish." She was almost glaring at me, but the look in her eyes made any anger she was exuding pity inducing, but I knew she'd hate that, so I let her go on.

"I was so nervous that night, despite the fact I knew exactly what would happen. I thought I would pace a hole in the floor. I was so anxious I was even more aware of the time than I would've been on a normal date. And when you didn't come…" she trailed off, a far off look in her eye, a look that mingled with fear and horror all the same. "I was so scared." The whisper was so low I almost didn't hear it, but the fear was unmistakable. "And then it was eight, and nine, and every possible scenario that I could conjure up flashed in my mind. You tripped down those ridiculous stairs…you got mugged at the store…car accident…Then when I finally had enough sense to call Alice, even she was scared, because she had thought you were with me and…and then Carlisle called, and my every worst fear was confirmed.

"You were out for a week, they kept saying all these horrible, horrible things," she shook her head as if to clear it, "That you wouldn't walk ever again… that you'd have memory loss… that you wouldn't wake up at all…" a strangled sob made its way past her lips and I had to fight again not to hold her until the pain went away.

"But you did wake up, and the doctor said you could feel your legs, and I was so happy, but then… then he said you didn't remember… anything… about me…and I knew what I had to do. Isn't it ironic that I didn't start second guessing myself until I was already two hundred miles away?" She looked up at me, tears shining in the gray light that filtered through the clouds. I couldn't speak.

"I've spent the last four years trying to convince myself that I did the right thing, and I'm still not sure, less now than ever, with you standing here," she looked down at her feet, wearing her favorite yellow canvas sneakers. I was honestly surprised they hadn't fallen apart yet, they were in a bad enough shape when we were in high school. I actually think she wore those on her first day at Forks High, the first day I met her. Who knew she would become such a huge part of my life, my _whole_ life? _I did_, I realized, from the first moment looking into her eyes I knew I'd spend the rest of my life loving this woman.

God, I was such a pushover sometimes. I couldn't fault her for this, though I had every right in the world to. I was so furious with myself, but not with her. I wanted to hit something.

She had been trying to help me. She had thought she was doing the right thing, "saving" me if you will. She could never understand that I loved her more than anything, and everything else meant nothing if she wasn't there. In the end I'd gone to Julliard for my parents, and because there had been nothing else for me. Without realizing what it was that was missing, I recognized the void that was there, even if I hadn't known what was supposed to be filling it. And imagine if she had stayed… if the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was her gorgeous face… glowing, maybe… if I had gotten to see her pregnant with our baby… to see our baby _as_ a baby. The music had meant nothing to me, the school, the people in it; all that mattered was this woman, and unbeknownst to me, the child we had created. They were the only things that mattered, now or ever. But I'd been denied everything, by Bella, and I couldn't even be mad at her. I shook my head slowly and a tired smile stretched itself across my face.

"What is it?" I looked back at Bella and her expression was confused, though tears shined in her eyes.

"Can you believe I'm not mad at you?" I laughed again, oh, the irony.

"Yes, actually, I can. You always were incredibly stupid when it came to me." She looked down at the wet cement, little water droplets splattering the puddles occasionally.

"I'm stupid? Bella, you do realize that you were the one that took off pregnant thinking you could take care of yourself and a baby with no help from anyone, don't you? Which reminds me, I need to thank Linette. I'm forever indebted to her for how well she's taken care of you both."

"I do owe Linette quite a lot. That's Milla's middle name, you know. Linette," her lips turned up automatically at the mention of Camilla, and I felt myself smiling too.

"Is there a reason you picked Camilla? I like the name, I was just wondering if there was some specific reason," she had blanched when I asked why she picked the name and I knew she was assuming that I found it displeasing in some way.

"Camilla means perfect, I thought it fit, like father like daughter," she smiled at me suddenly.

"I'm hardly perfect, Bella," but Camilla was. I couldn't think of a better word to describe my daughter than perfect.

"I wasn't fair to her, either." Bella said suddenly.

"What do you mean?" I was thoroughly confused.

"You should've seen her on father's day, she was distraught. I'd been expecting it, but it hurt more than I thought it would, having her admit out loud that she didn't have a father, and knowing it was my fault."

_You_'_re so selfish_, _Edward_. I hadn't even thought about that. Here I was wallowing in self pity that I'd missed my daughter's life, but she had grown up without me, without a father at all. Surely that hurt her, and I hadn't even considered it. I couldn't even imagine that. Had she wondered why I wasn't there, had she thought I didn't want her, didn't love her? No, please, tell me she knew I loved her.

"We need to tell her, Bella." Suddenly this was of very great importance. Before I had thought maybe we'd ease her into it, get her used to the idea of me before we told her I was her father, but I needed her to know now. I needed to tell her that I was her father and I did love her and want her and that I'd always be here.

"What?" she didn't know what I was talking about.

"We need to tell her I'm her dad." Bella's eyes widened, and then turned cautious.

"Edward, maybe she should get to know you first, I mean she-,"

"No, we need to tell her now. Or soon, whichever, the sooner the better. She just-I-,"

"Edward, Edward, calm down, what is it, what's wrong?" Bella cupped my face in her hands and her delicate fingers soothed the hysteria I was working myself into.

"I need to tell her, Bella. She needs to know-she-she needs to know she has a father, she needs to know her father loves her." My voice cracked, and Bella's eyes filled with tears suddenly, so I let the tears slip down my face as well.

My baby girl. My baby. The one person -- besides Bella -- in the world I was sworn to protect, love, cherish, the one thing in the world that god had saw fit to entrust me with, and I had not been there for her. I had not been there to witness her first breath, that moment when suddenly every man becomes the happiest man in the whole world. I hadn't been there to sing her to sleep when she was scared or put band-aids on her scraped knee. I wasn't there for anything, I had deprived her of a father. Every child needs their father, and I had deprived my daughter of hers. But I could not, would not, deny her of that anymore.

"Of course you love her, Edward, of course you do. I've always told her that you love her, always, she knows, she does, I promise," I saw the restraint to hold her own tears back, she was trying to be strong for me, when I had been strong for no one. I was no good at all, to her, to Camilla, I'd been a horrible son, a horrible brother, I was no good to anyone, and yet here she was, the love of my life, mother of my child, trying to be strong for me.

"I need to tell her, she needs to hear it from me, I need to tell her," being able to tell her myself was of vital importance. Not only for her, but for me, as well. I needed to know that I had at least done that much, that at least I had verbally voiced my love for my daughter _to_ my daughter, even if that was all I had done.

"Okay, okay, we'll tell her, I promise, the second we get back," it was getting harder for her to keep her tears at bay, and I had not had the restraint to keep them away to begin with. I nodded into her soft hair, thinking how easy it would be to just stay here, wrapped up in Bella, her scent, her warmth, her love. But there was another girl out there that _I_ needed to wrap up in _my_ love; my daughter.

Edward POV (5:23 pm Tuesday October 6, 2009):

It was odd. We had not covered half the things we needed to talk about. I had not filled her in on my four years away -- though, there was not much to tell -- and she had really only described the ordeal leading up to my accident and directly after. And there was of course the brief vignette about the horrific father's day they had.

I tired not to dwell on that for too long. It was "in my nature" to "shoulder the blame for everything" as Bella had once so delicately put it. It was after the sixteenth birthday party she had single handedly ruined with her lack of coordination. Alice had been so caught up with me opening the gift she had gotten me that she had not heard Bella call from the kitchen for help with the cake. Alice had been so loud, in fact, that no one had heard Bella, not even me. And so, trying to be the independent, fierce woman she was Bella had attempted to carry the cake into the living room by herself. The huge, twenty pound cake, the cake that was not only heavy, but quite wide. Wide enough that Bella could not see her already unsteady feet, and so when encountered with raised flooring, she fell. The fall had catapulted the cake into the curtains -- the very combustible curtains -- and started the fire that nearly burnt my parent's hundred year old house to the ground. She had been so embarrassed, I don't think she stopped blushing -- or crying -- for the entire three hours the fire department had been there ensuring that the house was safe. In the end, all that was needed was some dry wall re-patching, new carpet in the living room, and new curtains. But I had felt so horrible for the state she was in, I had put the blame on myself. I mean, why on Earth did I have to be born that day? I couldn't have been born the next day, a day that maybe Alice would've been hearing better? I admit it sounds ridiculous, but at the time it had seemed like a good excuse -- even if everyone looked at me like I was crazy, though they didn't blame Bella, either -- but, of course Bella pointed it out in that ever so blunt manner I'd grown accustomed to. And in her frustration with my tendency to take the blame for everything, she ranted for another hour after the fire department left. And I loved her even more for telling me I was an idiot, because I knew she meant it with the utmost love and affection.

But despite all that, the fact that we had not resolved nearly anything, besides the fact that I was incapable of staying mad at her, though I already knew that, and despite that I still had to earn my daughter's love, her forgiveness, I felt strangely hopeful. For the mentally healthier, more optimistic Edward that had lain silent in the back of my mind for four years had awakened and re-discovered the picture I had painted for myself. The picture of a little house hidden up against the thick forest, my beautiful Bella and me chasing around little dark haired children with deep brown eyes in the large window.

Could I really have that? After years of despair and emptiness, could I feel that sort of happiness? The answer was in the amazing creature clinging to my hand as we walked slowly back to the little haven where our daughter awaited us. Yes, yes I could.

Edward POV (6:04 pm, Tuesday October 6, 2009):

"Gramma! Gramma! Mama and Edward are back!" she sprinted from her seat at the kitchen table, crayons scattering everywhere. How I longed for the day it would be, "Mama and Daddy are back."

"Yes we are, baby," Bella picked Camilla up and kissed her forehead softly before placing her gently on her hip. Leaving my arms Bella-less. But I wasn't complaining, because I'd never felt happiness like I'd felt it in that moment. Truly, there was no man in the world who had as much as I did.

"I helbed gramma wid dinner!" she exclaimed excitedly, green eyes filled with pride.

"You did? What did you make?" by the look on Bella's face I had a feeling she knew already, but asked for the sake of the little girl in her arms.

"Casserole!"

"What kind of casserole?"

"Cheese and Brockleee," she drew out the 'e' sound at the end of broccoli, laughing after Bella kissed her button nose.

"I imagine you're staying for dinner, Edward," I looked up at Linette. She had a knowing smile on her face, her eyes flickering to Bella and Milla every few seconds. A brilliant smile lit up my face as I answered.

"Yes, yes I'm staying for dinner." Bella was radiant as her lips turned up at the corners, and Camilla clapped again. _I_'_m staying forever_.

Edward POV (6:55 pm, Tuesday October 6, 2009):

"Okay, munchkin, let's get you to bed. Your mother is going to have a hissy fit if I keep you up late again." Bella glared and Linette had a smirk on her face as she picked up Camilla from the floor.

She had just finished reading to us, or attempting to read to us, a shortened, picture book version of _Cinderella_. The story never had me quite so enraptured, or was it the little girl reading it?

"No! Gramma, please?!" she begged.

"Honey, it's late, and you have school tomorrow."

"Actually, Linette?" Bella spoke suddenly, looking slightly nervous.

"Yes?"

"We, Edward and I, wanted to speak to Milla for little bit." Linette's eyes widened and I had a feeling she knew why we wanted to speak to her. I didn't personally care about her opinion the way Bella seemed to, though I understood why, because all I could care about at the moment was that I was going to tell my daughter I loved her.

"Oh, okay. But, Bella… are you… you don't want to wait?" her eyes flicked back and for the between Bella and I, much like they had done all night. But now she looked at us with meaning, trying to assess where we were coming from and why we were moving this so quickly.

"Linette," I spoke for the first time in a few minutes. She looked over at me, her eyes now concentrated only on my face. "I realize your concern, and I know this seems all quite rushed. But I've already missed four years; I don't want to miss any more. And she needs to know, and the only fair way is if I tell her. If you're worried that I'll change my mind, that I'll pick up and leave and not come back, it won't happen. They're my whole world, Linette, and if it had been up to me she would've known from the first moment she was born." Bella looked down at her hands, her guilt ridden expression made me abandon the non-attached façade I had been keeping up all evening for Camilla and reach over to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye.

"I trust you, Edward. Bella is a smart girl, and she wouldn't love you as much as she does if you didn't deserve it." I flashed her a small, grateful smile and she nodded. Linette carefully placed Camilla in Bella's arms and she reached out for her mother.

Milla had been looking curiously at the three of us during the exchange and was now looking expectantly at her mother and I. Her green eyes wide and fascinated with whatever it was we were going to say to her.

Linette walked quietly to her room, throwing one last look at the three of us before she closed the door.

I was at a loss as to how to start. Those green eyes seemed to look right through me and suddenly I was scared. What if had hurt her too much? What if she couldn't forgive me for not being here before? I wouldn't forgive me for not being here.

"Edward?" the small voice startled me out of my reverie.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Whud were you and Gramma talkind bout?"

"Your mommy and me need to tell you something, baby."

"Whud is dit?" I don't think she'd blinked once in that entire string of questions, she was so involved with what she was saying.

"Remember I told you that I knew your mommy from school?" She nodded quickly, her chestnut hair bobbing every which way.

"Well, I loved your mommy very much when we were in school; I love your mommy very much now."

"Ooh! Like the Prince loves Cinderella?" her little head tilted to the side, her eyes excited now.

"More than the Prince loves Cinderella." If possible, her eyes got even bigger and Bella's cheeks turned a lovely shade of red. I smiled.

"Are you a prince?" I laughed, she was so animated, so lively.

"No, I'm not a prince."

"He's a king." Bella whispered in her ear, just loud enough so that I could hear her too. Camilla's nose wrinkled in what appeared to be disgust.

"No! Kings are old and wrinkly, Edward's not old!" She looked at her mother, as if this was the most obvious thing in the whole world. I laughed and Bella failed to hide a smile.

"You don't have to be old to be a king," Bella lovingly corrected our daughter.

"Mama, of coursed dey are, kings are always old." Bella laughed again and kissed her forehead.

"Well, you're right, I'm not a king, but I'm not a prince, either."

"Den whud ared you?" she looked confused. Because if I wasn't a prince, and most definitely not a king, then what was I?

"I'm just someone who loves you and your mommy very much." She blinked, even more confused than before.

"You loveded me, too?"

"Yes, sweetheart, I love you, too. More than anything in the whole world." Her mouth opened in a little 'o' and she looked almost nervous.

"Susie's daddy said dat he loveded her more den anyding in the whole world, too." Her little face was apprehensive, her eyes scared…but almost…hopeful?

"Daddies love their children very much." She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it, like she was trying work herself up for what she was about to say.

"Are… are you my daddy?" the whisper was almost unintelligible, so low I barely heard it. But I did hear it, and while the tears gathered again in the corners of my eyes, I felt my mouth turn up into a small smile.

"Yes, baby girl, I'm your daddy."

**SHOUT OUT TO MY FANTABULOUS BETA TOMMYXLOSER!!! She edited this for me, too, go figure. **

**REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!**

**Sneak Peek of Chapter 9:**

"Where'd were you, daddy?"


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